You cannot change others, you can only change yourself!

Okay, here is a hard one to learn; we can’t change others but we can change ourselves.  Why do I say it is hard?  Because we are so attached to proving our genuineness, intent or evenhandedness,  that we keep coming up with different ways to make our point even if every attempt only brings us aggravation and disenchantment.

There is nothing wrong with trying to commune our thoughts and feelings but what becomes a waste is when it is obvious that the recipient is not ready or doesn’t want to see things in a different way.  They are stuck in their position and methodology and they are not going to change no matter what we do.

So when we come to that point, then it is time to let go and change our retort and outlook.  Continuing doing the same reaching out or trying to come up with different ways to still make our point, becomes a manifestation of our own powerlessness to accept that which we have no control.  I know it is excruciating because none of us want to give up on having optimistic communication and interaction but again sometimes it’s just not possible.  Once we accept that as a fact then it is time to stop trying and embrace things as they are.

That’s when our own transformation takes place.  We stop trying and we shield ourselves from the unremitting prejudice.  We change our behavior to stop our expectations and we accept realism.  In time the aggravation diminishes and the possibility of a different connection opens up.  Trusting the procedure allows for different outcomes, maybe not the ones we hoped for, but one of less rage, hassle, and nuisance.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

How to stop giving a flying fuck about what others think of you

We're all guilty. Every day from the moment we wake up, we live our lives caring what other people think of us. We accept the status quo for what it is because everyone around us does. We tiptoe our way through life by doing things in order to please others, not because it's what we believe in. Eventually, our actions, appearances, and lives become molded by how we think other people perceive us. How are these pants going to make me look? What will my colleagues think if I spoke out? Are those people talking shit behind my back? If I take this job, what will my friends and family think of me?

Living a life that follows the idyllic notions of what other people think is a terrible way to live. It makes you become the spineless spectator who waits for other people to take action first. It makes you become a hanger-on. Worst of all, it makes you become someone who doesn't take a stand for anything. Today is the last day we live a life verbalized by others. Today, we're going to get to the bottom of the truth. Today is the day we stop giving a Fuck

Believe it or not, we're not that special. We go through our days thinking about how other people might be judging us. But the truth is those people are thinking the exact same thing. No one in today's "smartphone crazed" society has time in their schedule to think more than a brief second about us. The fact of the matter is, when we do have time get our thoughts straight, we're too busy thinking about ourselves and our own shortcomings, not others.

A study was done by the National Science Foundation claims that people have, on average, 50,000 plus thoughts a day. This means that even if someone thought about us ten times in one day, it's only 0.02% of their overall daily thoughts. It is a sad but simple truth that the average person filters their world through their ego, meaning that they think of most things relating to "me" or "my." This means that unless you have done something that directly affects another person or their life, they are not going to spend much time thinking about you at all. Even when provided with the blatantly obvious opportunity to judge someone, people are still thinking about how others may perceive them. Once you understand that this is how people's minds work, it's a big step towards freedom.

It's impossible to live up to everyone's expectations. There will always be people—no matter what we say or how we treat them—that will judge us. Whether you're at the gym, at work, taking the train, or even online playing pubg, scrabble, etc. Even now it's happening. You will never be able to stop people from judging you, but you can stop it from affecting you.

Think about the worst thing that could possibly happen when someone is judging you or what you're doing. I guarantee that chances are nothing will happen. Absolutely nothing. No one is going to go out of their busy lives to confront us, or even react for that matter. Because as I mentioned before, no one actually cares. What will happen is that these people will actually respect you for claiming your ground. They may disagree with you, but they'll respect you.

Start standing up for what you believe in causes, opinions, anything. You're going to have people that disagree with you anyways, so why not express how you truly feel? I've learned that it's better to be loved by a few people you care about than to be liked by everyone. These are family, friends, your spouse the people who love you for who you are, and the people who will be there for you during your worst times. Focus on these people. They're the only people that matter.

The world is already full of people who obey the status quo. But the people who don't give a fuck are the ones that change the world. Be the latter. Start living life the way you want, be daring like you once were as a child, and always, always stand up for the truth. Someone has to.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Know your worth, hold your own power, be you.

I read this somewhere and I wanted to pen this on my blog right away.

For a long time in my 20’s and even into my 30’s, I was continuously chasing after people and friendships and things I thought were going to make me happy. A beautiful thing happened when I stopped the pursuit of happiness: I realized it had been here all along.

Now I just stay in one place and trust that the people and opportunities meant to be in my life will flow to me naturally and with straightforwardness and inevitability. I have solely and completely embraced I spending time with myself is something I actually apprize and look after now instead of run from. I haven’t “arrived” by any expanse of the imagination…but I have, at long last, reached a place of peace about the value that I possess and that I bring to other people’s lives and I no longer feel the need to chase anyone down to force them to see it. Because here’s the bottom line: If they can’t see the beauty and joy and richness that you bring into their life, they don’t belong in yours.

So stop careering today and standstill. I think you’ll be startled at how eloquent and purposeful your life will become the very minute you stop trying to prove your meaning and purpose to others. You need to love yourself. Love yourself so much to the point that your energy and aura rejects anyone who doesn’t know your worth.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

I know who I am. When I look in the mirror, I see me.

“Taking time for ourselves may seem selfish, as though we're avoiding our significant other,” “In reality, brief periods of solitude rejuvenate our soul batteries and allow to give even more to our spouses and to the relationship itself.” What they don't tell you about being 30-something is that it's OK to be egocentric sometimes. You're chasing after your own dreams and creating a path. You'll need a lot of "Me time" to figure it all out. There's a lot of heaviness that comes with surrounding yourself with people. You might not feel like you can totally be yourself, or find that you're following a crowd into a Friday or Saturday night plan you seriously didn't sign up for. That's why "Me time" in your 30s is so vital, and something we should always make room for in our diaries.

What you want becomes what is just next on your agenda. You start to lose interest in the things you used to love because you can’t enjoy them anymore as you are constantly moving to the next activity. Your career already expects so much of you but when you pile on a social life you lose the time for you to do what you want to do because you conform to what is on your itinerary. Whether that may be reading, writing, going on a run, painting, etc. It’s vital to take even an hour every day to be alone and focus on yourself. You stop taking the steps to take care of yourself because you no longer think about what you need to do in order to be the best you. We often feel so guilt-ridden when we need to separate ourselves from the rest of the world just to take a step back and focus on our lives. But if we can’t be 100% in fine fettle or at least striving to be, healthy relationships and positive thinking are nearly impossible to obtain.

The point of “me” time is less of what activities you want to be a part of and more of having time set aside to focus on yourself. It’s okay to stay in when everyone else is going out just to enjoy your own company. You need to be your own best advocate and friend. While you may have friends who you enjoy being around, it’s not an insult to say no to being with them when you are aware you’re not feeling well enough. In fact, saying no to someone just to have “me” time means you are strong enough to be alone without fear of judgment or worthlessness. It’s important to have activities that you can enjoy, but it’s not okay to only fill your time up with those. If the people around you are true and worthwhile, they will understand when you say you need time for yourself. They will understand when you say you cannot go out for a night. They will not only accept that but they will also cherish the fact that you care enough about yourself. It’s always motivational when you care enough about yourself to know that you are worth it and can love being alone.

The most important thing in life is you. Not that you are the center of the universe or that you are above anyone else, but when you start to put other things before yourself, you curtail how important you justly are and how much love you deserve. Even though you might not feel as if you’re worth it, you are worth a gold medal for being you. Or maybe you do know how much you’re substance. In that case, you are kicking ass. However, it’s important to be outside of yourself so you don’t become narrow-minded. Justin Vernon stated, “There’s only so much time digging through yourself before you become insular”. That basically means that there’s only so much time you can spend focusing on yourself before you shut yourself out from the world. Therefore, it’s not that you need to constantly be doing hard work on yourself and focusing on problems. Life’s greatest gifts come from knowing the importance of laughter and love. However, you do need to listen to your needs and then actually fulfill them.

Loving yourself should be the calmest thing. You get to own your culpabilities and timidities. You get to dare yourself to be better and to focus on your own prerequisites. You get to take care of yourself before anyone else does.

Happy me signing of….:)

Rab Rakha!!!!!

When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself !

Why do so many people feel the need to make fun of and judge others? This question crosses my mind daily. I wonder why we, as humans, feel the need to judge and degrade others. Its human nature to compare ourselves to others, whether it’s to our family members, peers or even celebrities we see in the media. We base our judgments of ourselves and others on these comparisons. Judging others sometimes gives people a sense of prestige because belittling others can create a false sense of security and identity. When it comes down to it, people are different. No two people are completely alike. We need to accept these differences and stop judging people. It is hurtful to them and makes the people ridiculing them look bad. Even if one does not verbalize their judgments, it does not mean their insensitive thoughts are acceptable. It goes with the saying: If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

A famous quote by American author Dave Barry goes: “There’s nothing wrong with enjoying looking at the surface of the ocean itself, except that when you finally see what goes on underwater, you realize that you’ve been missing the whole point of the ocean. Staying on the surface all the time is like going to the circus and staring at the outside of the tent.”

The world has seen efficacious people having multiple personas and charismas which are unbelievably inimitable. Every person has different potentials. Our current generation has become very judgemental in its approach towards people around them, which has resulted in constant criticism about people’s nature or quality. Why do we always look to find ways to bring someone down, just because of a few of negative attributes him or she has?

No matter where we travel, our nature and time have made it such that we mostly end up seeing others, as a machine that produces mistakes. For example, let’s highlight people’s understanding of various personality traits - as according to society, it is something which helps one gain an understanding of another individual. For instance, just because a person may tend to be voluble in nature, many people seem to classify this person as incorrect or imprudent, whereas in reality, he or she could be a highly intelligent person who could know more than what people think.

On the other hand, some people feel that introverts or people who are socially wary and find it difficult to talk to other people, are useless and won’t offer any help or give any advice in certain situations. However, it is true that each one of us is unique and have our own choices and preferences about people who we choose to surround ourselves with. But what has to be understood is that we need to stop being so critical and stop judging every personality. Instead, we need to start exploring and learning about what each one has to offer.

As St Mother Teresa once said, ‘If we keep judging everyone, we won’t have time to love anyone.’ We need to look towards this mantra and reflect. We need to think about our lives if we had followed this earlier. Surely our life would be happier and peaceful. It would be something more beautiful for each person to cherish.

Finally, as educated people, and respected people - whose main aim and purpose is to be a good human being and to realize that judging, and criticizing other people’s nature and faults, is not the way to become a good person. Only values have the answer. Always remember, treat others how you want to be treated.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Corporate Chamchas or Chamchi’s- in-Chief

Chamchagiri is known as the unofficial code of conduct. Chamchas -literally 'spoons', perhaps because the one who plays this role feeds the ego of the one being toadied up to abound in all Indian walks of life. In the corporate world, they are also referred to as 'yes men or yes women' who have morphed the Cartesian 'I think therefore I am' to 'I flatter, therefore aye am'.

These people send half or information with their much-added masala to the bosses. When there's a meeting you would be shocked to notice how they go all-out to give their best with appearances, presentations, notepads etc.  And ah when the meeting is over they hang around sip tea kill time. Those who know this `late-lateef' pseudonym do the nod-wink-n five minutes ago; she was at her bitchy best. Suddenly she's Miss All Concern. Wide-eyed, brows furrowed, she purrs “So how is your life going with other colleagues to extract the maximum information to her benefit and oh wow not to forget she will add her classic tadka of blather to it and pass it on further.

Chamchas, are the boss' best radar systems. Like feeding a child, the lackeys feed information to the boss, normally adverse reports about colleagues. Needless to say, the information is heavily spiced. "The boss also needs lots of interpersonal information about subordinates, which these wily men and women deliver.'' Then, `chamchas' sweat it out in giving the boss ``some ego massage.''

But, why does a `chamcha' become a `chamcha'? "Chamchagiri is a quest for influence. And influence comes through linkages. Be it a one-room office or a major corporate with thousands of employees, `chamchas' are omnipresent buttering the bosses. For all the effort, however, they do not get much. "Contrary to the general impression, they do not go up the promotion ladder fast. They get small advantages like flaunting their so-called proximity to the boss and making others jealous. `They also use the name of the boss and get things done. Obviously, a subordinate would never question a `chamcha' when he tells him that the boss would like a particular work to be done. He would never call up the boss and ask him whether he had given the instructions, right.''

Chamchi Queen and chamcha kings are super self-styled pseudos and want colleagues to barf on to their tunes and oh not to forget to save their asses they can use info of colleagues to win brownie points or be in good books of bosses. The same drill of that one person doing that little extra that's clearly for the individual and can best fit for the organization. At least one such creature is present in every office. Frankly, don't grudge the Chamchi Queen or king. She has a skill set and talents that take her far, abilities most can pick up but choose not to as outside in the corporate world no one would hire this person. Chamchi or chamcha behavior is thoroughly entertaining in most of the offices.  It's a classic act and you can waste precious moments predicting the chamchi's next move....add to that healthy guffaws and, hey, office don't look so bad after all.

Have chamchas, but do not be surrounded by them. Be transparent and cultivate an image of open-mindedness within the organization.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

No need to over-react. Enjoy being response-able!

It’s important to understand that your reaction or your response is your responsibility.

Whatever somebody else says or does or thinks that has nothing to do with you. That’s entirely on them. But your response is your responsibility: response-ability. Your reaction is your responsibility and that’s partly why the narcissists will focus so much on your reaction versus the actual abuse that took place.

It’s a fantastic misdirection practice and a dirty trick they play. So, how to deal with this, but I also want to tell you about the difference here, which is mindfulness. A reaction is an instantaneous reaction to something that happens. It’s like this stimulus happens and then you react in a certain way and it’s something emotional. Your behavior is driven by emotion and you haven’t thought about it. There’s no sensible or logical backing to that and you probably haven’t even thought about the outcomes.

When you really understand that you understand your power, you understand that reacting is giving away your power and responding is empowering yourself and not getting caught in that trap. When you were a child and someone yelled your name and you jumped and ran. Someone demanded that you do something, and you had to do it. You had to do it just like they said, or you were going to get punished and it was like the worst thing so of course, you learned to react without thinking.

Now, you have choices. During childhood you didn’t know, that was out of your control. It was unfair. It was a survival mechanism and you survived, and that’s the amazing thing.

And now as an adult, you have the choice in how you respond to everyday life. Anything can happen in everyday life, whether it’s with the narcissist or something entirely unrelated, your response is your responsibility and it’s also your freedom of choice. Therefore, it’s empowering to respond instead of reacting.

You’ve got to put your ego aside and be willing to let them say whatever they’re going to say because you know you and you know that’s not true about you. It really comes down to the bottom line, do you want to be right or do you to be happy?

Sometimes you must make that choice, not always, but sometimes and most definitely when you’re dealing with a double-faced individual because they believe they’re always right and if you don’t agree with them then you’re wrong. So, you’re going to have to ask yourself that question when you want to get in there and defend yourself.

Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?

If you choose happily, you’re just going to let that go. You’re going to let them say whatever they say and you’re just going to let it slide right off you because you know that’s not true.

It is up to us to choose how we react to the empty boats in our lives. We can either yell and scream at the empty boats and endure the collision or choose to get out of the way the best we can, accepting what happens, and do our best to continue on our way along the river. 

One of the great teachings in life is this: It doesn't matter what is happening. What matters is how we respond. How we respond is what determines our happiness and peace of mind.

Rab Rakha!!!!!