Opinions aren't facts. Stop worrying about what people think about you!

 

People say I'm communicating less these days. To be frank, I've intentionally severed a number of loose ends in my relationships& friendships. Some acquaintances who speak to me on various levels follow me with their curious eyes and ask, 'Hey, why aren't you talking to him these days?' 'Why aren't you seen with her now?'

Wait, am I asking these questions for self-awareness or to be able to respond to those around me? True, we are always concerned with looking good in public. So far, my life has been a roller coaster ride.

People who ask intrusive questions irritate me. 'Do you have a husband?' What is the number of kids you have? 'Do you have a property?' To be honest, I'm tempted to tell them on their faces, "Why can't you mind your own business, I actually imply, your life?" Regrettably, we treat all of our relationships as if they were business transactions. But we make things happen. Why do people encroach into the lives of others? Is their life so stinky that they don't want to look at it and prefer to avoid it by putting the emphasis on the lives of others?

These people irritate me. They appear to be blind egg sacs of force that binds beliefs, diving within illusory bounds, too lazy and timid to look beyond them, until their last breath. So, how useful is it to put me out there in front of them? Besides, why should I offer my life for their idle chatter and gossip? Do I put my happiness in the hands of others? No. No way.

But we are obligated to these multitudes of codes and relationships from the moment we are born. It's all fixed and tied down. There is no empty space. We don't cross that heavily guarded line. And we are told what to wear, what to eat, what to study, and who to marry. All of our preferences and choices are made for us.

Constant reminders keep us on track. 'You do this and don't do that.' You'll get a lot of applause if you do this. However, if you do this, you will be rendered ineffective.' We do not question, but rather weave our lives around these predetermined social and religious norms.

We can avoid religious dictums, but not societal edicts. We have the ability to deceive God and tell lies in his name. People around us, on the other hand, keep a close eye on us to see where we go wrong. They aren't interested in guiding us, but they do enjoy moral policing. If I have issues, you must as well. And if you don't have any, I'll make some for you.

Please wait a minute. Is it possible to forge one's own path? Can we truly forge our own path in a vacuum? Is my life being led by me, or is it being led by the world around me? Is it possible for me to truly own my life?

The oddest aspect of this great journey is that it started with a word search. Yes, the quest for the value of life. Whatever my imagination maybe, I must test it only in this life. However, this stimulant is late in life, after countless setbacks, disappointments, tearful moments, long sighs, and anxiety phases. It is too late to celebrate these newfound moments of self-awareness. So, do we have a choice? Life vanishes before our eyes the moment we believe we have grasped it.

We love labelling people but are unwilling to look within to see what is stinking on the inside. The subconscious mind never blossoms, but rather shrinks within. We fake our lives, consistently engulfing our true selves with a fistful of mud until they are completely buried without a trace. The deceased is remembered for what he did for others by sacrificing his soul (a rusted soul). The world celebrates human life in this way and moves on with no disruption to the redundant system. People who diverge from this normalcy were labelled abnormal and mocked.

Unless we put our hearts into it, anything becomes boring after a few days, months, or years. 'Don't do any work if you don't enjoy it,' says D H Lawrence. Yes, regardless of the outcome around me or how individuals perceive me, I should undeniably create my own contentment. Today is preferable to tomorrow.

Live your life in peace, as if nothing bad were happening. Be a cheerful person. Never disseminate negativity. You understand your worth. You are aware that you are correct. That is all. Go ahead, be happy, and focus on your goal.

Moral: Never ever let people's sayings affect your decision.

It's your life, live it as you want.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Try Giving the Toxic Relatives a Dose Of Their Own Medicine Just Once!

 

I'm sure we all have toxic, annoying relatives who despise us for no apparent reason. What is the best way to deal with them?

There has been a lot written, discussed, and acknowledged about toxic spouses, in-laws, and even parents. However, one can still find people speaking out or sharing their experiences with toxic relatives, both close and distant.

To grasp the concept of these toxic relatives, we must first define a relative. A relative is any person of any age or gender who holds a position of power in the family tree. As a result, you have a good reason to be polite to them.

Few of them are bestowed upon you by birth, while others are added through a legal process known as marriage.

Obviously, you have a few kind souls among your well-wishers. At the same time, there are those who simply cannot stand you for reasons best known to them.

They simply don't seem to like you. These are the people who enjoy throwing their weight around and never miss an opportunity to belittle you, whether through words or actions. They despise your silhouette as much as they despise your existence. And these relatives most emphatically fall into the category of toxic relatives.

The mere knowledge of their arrival would cause butterflies in your stomach. And when you do see them in person, all of their efforts revolve around slamming snide remarks down your throat. It could be anywhere. They will make comments on everything from your sense of fashion to the way you express yourself to your profession. In fact, they will not even consider factors that no one can control, such as your height, weight, or complexion!

When you call them out of courtesy, they are all set to bombard you with a slew of complaints they have against you. In some cases, the ill-treatment is so subtle and silent that only the victim is aware of it.

Even displaying your best qualities will not change these people's preconceived notions of you. You are and will remain a cretin to them, no matter how well you have proven your worth on both the professional and personal fronts.

Have you ever wondered why they don't like you?

Every attempt you make to remain cordial or engage in normal conversation will be crushed under the weight of their false prestige and ego. You might wonder what you did to them to deserve this snooty and illogical attitude. Indeed, you might wonder if these people could give you a convincing reason for their hatred if you asked them.

They would, without a doubt, have a response; whether it is convincing or not is a different story altogether. Here are some examples of possible responses:

‘Oh! You mistook my candour for rudeness!'

'I say what I think.' That's just the way I am – a book with no cover.'

'How could you possibly have thought such a thing?'

 And right there, they'll push you deep into their pool of crocodile tears. Not to mention that they will tie a boulder of guilt to your conscience and ensure that you are not at peace with yourself.

 I mean, seriously!

I'm sure I'm reading your mind!

If one could create a mathematical equation for these explanations (white lies), I believe it would look like this:

Their rudeness = honesty = naive = them being children at heart

However, your questioning of them is pure misunderstanding/illusion.

Do you have people like this in your life? The relationships in which the onus of maintaining cordial ties is constantly placed solely on you? Where, despite your best efforts, you are perpetually on the receiving end. Relationships in which your politeness is misinterpreted as cowardliness, encouraging them to maintain their high-handed attitude.

It's not that you aren't tempted to give them a taste of their own medicine. However, your high moral values and beliefs act as a roadblock. 'I know, I'm reading your mind.'

Then, for once, set those values aside, swing yourself into action, and simply give them back!

The moral of the storey is that if God can do it, then we are mere mortals!

 Rab Rakha!!!!!

“Stop seeing it as office politics and start seeing it as office partnerships.”

 

Office politics are no stranger to anyone in the workplace today. For those who are unfortunate enough to be caught in this toxic environment, it can make life a living hell. Chances are you’ve encountered office politics sometime along in your career, and you’re looking for ways on how to deal with it.

The truth is that office politics and terrible work environments are becoming more predominant, as a result of the dogmatic structure that is behind most corporate companies today. On one hand are eager employees that want to work hard, contribute meaningful results to the company and climb the corporate ladder, and on the other hand, are those that don’t want others getting ahead of them. These kinds of people are the ones who create office politics and drama, who don’t like it when others get ahead of them in life and will do anything they can to prevent it from happening.

Office politics is very similar to something called ‘Crab Mentality’. If you put one crab in a bucket, it will manage to skulk out and escape. However, if you put a whole bunch of crabs together, not one crab will be able to find freedom. This is because when a crab begins to climb out of the bucket, the other crabs will do whatever it takes to pull the escaping crab back into the bucket. As a result, none of the crabs are able to climb up and escape to somewhere better – a very similar situation you’d encounter in a company where office politics run rampant and everyone is trying to pull each other down.

So how do you survive corporate office politics without losing your integrity, happiness and peace of mind?

The answer is: You can’t.

In any environment that you find yourself in, there will always be some form of politics. You can’t control how other people act, and you can’t control the mindset that they have. All you can do is focus on what you do have control over Yourself.

Office politics is a confrontation in which no one wins. If you’re stuck in a toxic environment, here are a few things you can do to protect yourself

First, you must know what kind of battle you are fighting. Who are the people creating all the drama? Who are the influential decision-makers? How should you behave? Your response towards when things happen is going to influence how much more easily or difficult things become. Mind your own business, think strategically…

Second, understand where it comes from. Is it jealousy that creates conflict between people? Or is it something else, something more personal? If people are out to get you if they’re sabotaging your work and making it difficult for you to progress in your company, think about what actions you can take to achieve the desired outcome. If a particular person is purposely delaying your work, you can speak to an influential decision-maker to get around the problem, instead of confronting it directly. “You must be formless, shapeless, like water.” – Bruce Lee

Third, ask yourself if it’s worth it. Is your health, and emotional well-being worth it? If you’re in a hopeless situation with no way out, walking away can be the best thing you can do. By choosing the decision to walk away, you don’t have to engage yourself in a war you had no intention of participating in, and may even discover an environment or company that is much more enjoyable to be in.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Unwanted Gyaan Gurus in our life's😎😎

Honestly, I dislike people who offer me unsolicited advice and I've had a fair share of those kinds of people (nosy friends& pesky relatives) in my life . Nowadays I've learnt to flout these kinds of people, maybe even cut-off relationships if the behaviour persists and gets hard to manage. It’s really not worth getting into a squabble or trying to elucidate your point of view with these folks, because they tend to think that they are doing you a huge act of kindness by giving you their treasured advice.

Here’s a couple responses you could give out to these niches of people:

“Thank you. I’ll give that some thought.”

“Thank you. That might work. Let me think about it.”

“Huh. I never would have thought of that.”

“Interesting. I’ll keep that in mind.”

 

All of these are nods for the suggestion, yet are completely non-committal. Teaching people to not advocate anything to you is imprudent; none of us has waylaid the market on wisdom and experience, and sometimes the best solutions come from sources you’d never expect.

Nothing that anyone says ever has to be accepted in whole or in part until after it has been tested against reality. The beauty of this simple system is that it’s is impossible to be snubbed.

 Oh, and if it isn’t any good GYAN I just file it in the waste paper bin. Once in a while, I perceptually raid that bin to try crackpot ideas when all else fails. In short, keep your mind and your ears open. It will pay off.

Only the people who pay my bills have a right to offer unsolicited gyaan. Beware of such gyaani schmucks and keep them at one hand distance.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

 

A betrayal can spell the end of a friendship!

Backstabbing from friends or loved-one is the wickedest feeling and experience one can ever imagine. When we get deceived, we dwell on our memories with a backstabber, and then, questions our present situation, that I wish he/she had not done this.

Been there, gone through that and yes it hurts like hell! But the damage is already done and you can’t change your past, but you can ensure you aren’t stabbed again. The best advice is to keep this person miles away from you. If they apologize, accept the apology but don’t let them back in your life ever again!!

Lesson learnt: don’t let anyone get too close & have a “save your ass” file always to wiggle your way out of such situations!

It takes time, but to forge good friendships/relationships it takes years n to identify good and the bad, takes an eye!! Evaluate all the red flags you’ve ignored... You will automatically enforce caution the next time because this is a soul-level hurt!!

I saw this friend's manipulations and never looked at her the same way again. She had done other shady things in the past when it came to manipulating people and breaking people’s houses them but it wasn’t a behaviour I ever expected to be turned in my direction. It certainly opened my eyes and I learned she wasn’t a friend I could expect to have my best interests at heart, only her own.

So, Dust yourself, smile and say no one messes with me ever again a million times. Next time, choose your friends, trust your instincts and that little voice at the back of your mind. Remember what goes stabbing around gets stabbed around. 

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Understanding, diagnosing and responding to situations :)

Are you lost to the motives of somebody? Instead, perhaps you are dealing with toxic people. And here is how they can be deflected. Each has its own angels and demonic side. Each has the ability to lie and deceive. The difference, though, is based on their honesty level. It's very hard to grasp today who is a friend and who is a foe.

If you think about it, would you be more okay being lied and manipulated to, or being told something harsher but true? I’m pretty sure most of us would rather drink the bitter pill of truth, than eating the sweet candy of lies that actually is a poison. You are especially prone to this when you are vulnerable and want to be accepted, but have good things to bring to the table like status, intelligence, and connections.

I’m in a stage that I give much fewer fucks to these kinds of people then I used to. This attitude is in line with the promise I made with myself to say “no” more. I simply have no time and patience to be involved in these unproductive dramas.

What I’m about to share is the tactic that I have used to identify, protect against, and counterattack these venomous people. When you encounter someone highly manipulative, befriend one, or being influenced by one, it could be hard to understand what you are going through. They shower you with support and attention which you are flattered with. Often he/she appears very sweet and says nice things about you. They might even give out confidential information to you or use their power to help you out, to make you think that they are on your side. Then you thought, oh, he/she is quite nice actually. You start getting close and befriend each other. However, gradually, they give you a dose of cynicism and disrespect, leaving you confused. Then, something happens, which makes you question their intentions, such as these:

• Tells another person a little the secret about you 
• Complains about you behind your back, about something insignificant
• Don’t mention your involvement at all when you give out ideas that turn into a success. 
• Make you feel small; dig into your insecurities
• Treat your accomplishments as a joke
• Make you feel that you’re not good enough

These first signs are very critical. These manipulators are banking and thriving on the fact that you stay ignorant. Therefore, it is important for them to keep their “sheep clothing” and let you just see their sheep version.

Always remembers the rule of toxic behavior they choose to do. If this is just an acquaintance, then all you need to do is to stop giving them the benefits of being friends with you. Eventually, they will think that you are of no use and fades away. Most importantly, don’t tell them anything that they could use against you. Give a safe answer-comment only when necessary. In short, don’t tell them anything substantial about your life, and practice saying no to their demands. When you successfully pull away gradually, then they will fall into the “NOBODY” zone permanently. Don’t ever think to make them any closer, regardless of how nice they appear to become.

The tricky part is when you’ve fallen into the oblivion trap they’ve put together and let them be your closest friends or relative. Unfriending or pushing them away will always be ugly, but there are ways to minimize the damage. Slow but sure, push them away from your closest circle. The ultimate goal is to put them in the “acquaintance” zone when you occasionally speak or be nice to each other, but strictly in a polite manner. Here’s one last thing you need to remember: The right way is to cut the tumor out be it your friend or relative.

And when you accept the fact that it’s just the way they are, your sanity will thank you. Because then you stop blaming yourself or justifying their actions, and simultaneously ignoring your instinctive that has been screaming to you the whole time. One thing that you need to know is that the number of close friends that you have is not something to brag about. The equivalent is bragging about how many people have access to your bank account. That is just stupid.

We can know a lot of people, hang out with anyone, and network far and wide. But when it comes down to close friends that you will share your most personal stories, treat this like choosing your husband or wife. Over time, you’ll develop an instinct and can detect these kinds of people from a mile away. 

Until then, Stay safe. Don’t get bitten with the same kind of snake twice.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Everyone has lumps, bumps, and rolls. It means you are human.

Aren't we concerned about looks? Why is it that we care? Why are we trapped in looks and missing the person under the face mask? We neglect what lies under the mask, what lies within the heart and mind, what lays within the psyche. Body shame is the act in which we blame people for their physical appearance; we condemn them because they do not meet the socially constructed predetermined expectations of attractiveness. They're not 'fair and stunning' or 'slim and sleek,' and so forth. It's a type of violence that mentally torments you and is common.

The culture recognizes the color, form, and size of the body as the basis for beauty and ugliness. Both men and women are ashamed of their bodies. A boy with a physique that makes him appear strong is supposed to be big and muscular. In India, a girl should be tall, shallow with a skin of zero acne and body hair. When anyone falls from this group (like most people, since we are human), they are continually mocked and encouraged to change their appearance.

Even though body shame affects both men and women, it is extra stressful baggage for women in a patriarchal society like India. The remedies for impeccable skin include measures such as turmeric paste, aloe vera gel, waxing, face masks, and a thousand other things. If a girl is fat, she is advised everything ranging from avoiding rice and potatoes to liposuction surgery. We've reached a stage in which fat shaming almost has become synonymous with body-shaming, but slim girls aren't out! Even girls that are short are shamed that they are too slim and advised to wear full-sleeved clothing that does not make their so-called 'fault' noticeable. A man who does not match these social expectations of a perfect body will receive all sorts of criticisms and suggestions.

Earlier, being fat was a symbol of being wealthy and belonging to a prosperous family but times have changed, being svelte is chic now. Now, be it any of the genders, sweltering it out in the gym is the vogue. Be it the relatives who tell you to look pretty in order to get married or the shopkeepers who refer you the dress which will hide those curvatures, everyone is always upholding how to not feel good in your own skin. Also, the jokes cracked of pregnancy about fat women aren’t funny at all.

Media has been instrumental in fostering the culture of body shaming, despite all the unrealistic and almost impossible expectations of beauty that Bollywood has set over the years. Many cosmetics ads tell us how it is vital to walk after a fairer skin for a job and / or confidence, while other food product ads remind us of how necessary it is to lose fat within 25 days to look good in a group.

With the increasing use of social media, body shaming is now all-time high. People get behind the computer and post negative comments and think that no one's going to harm just a comment. But we're a generation of social media addicts, every harmful comment you post troubles, someone. While we're making a comment about someone's physique, we often overlook the fact that the remark doesn't change their bodies, but it has the power to affect someone so extremely that they can be depressed.

Body shaming can lead to an inferiority complex, decreased confidence, eating disorders, and other such issues. It can cause insecurities that lead to troubled relationships. There is a chance that the victim may feel too self-conscious and withdraw from social situations. We must be more mature, understanding and empathy instead of criticizing people just because they do not look like we want them to. Don't be a harasser and don't let anyone even shame your body.

Rather of listening to suggestions from people who don't know either you or your body, we need to follow a safe lifestyle. Sure, obesity is a concern, it is a health risk and exercise is important to decrease health risks, but it is completely inappropriate to blame someone for being overweight. Let us not forget that it is the person who decides the actions of a person in his / her life and not the fat of the body. The requirements to determine someone's characters or ability cannot be form, size, color, and levels of capability.

A lingerie line, composed of lingerie's of all sizes, has just been launched by Rihanna to allow the body to become optimistic. Actresses like Vidya Balan and Sonakshi Sinha are stunning examples of women who didn't let their careers be governed by the size-zero stereotype. Although important changes are taking place, there is still a long way to go. Let us be relaxed in our skin, take a little while, and let us encourage others to do the same thing. It is your own body, and no one, other than you, can judge or understand. Let's be trusting, caring and tolerant. Let us live, let others live, let others live.

Rab Rakha!!!!!