Are you lost to the motives of
somebody? Instead, perhaps you are dealing with toxic people. And here is how
they can be deflected. Each has its own angels and demonic side. Each has the
ability to lie and deceive. The difference, though, is based on their honesty
level. It's very hard to grasp today who is a friend and who is a foe.
If you think about it, would you
be more okay being lied and manipulated to, or being told something harsher but
true? I’m pretty sure most of us would rather drink the bitter pill of truth,
than eating the sweet candy of lies that actually is a poison. You are
especially prone to this when you are vulnerable and want to be accepted, but
have good things to bring to the table like status, intelligence, and
connections.
I’m in a stage that I give much
fewer fucks to these kinds of people then I used to. This attitude is in line
with the promise I made with myself to say “no” more. I
simply have no time and patience to be involved in these unproductive dramas.
What I’m about to share is the tactic
that I have used to identify, protect against, and counterattack these venomous
people. When you encounter someone highly manipulative, befriend one, or being
influenced by one, it could be hard to understand what you are going through. They
shower you with support and attention which you are flattered with. Often
he/she appears very sweet and says nice things about you. They might even give
out confidential information to you or use their power to help you out, to make
you think that they are on your side. Then you thought, oh, he/she is quite
nice actually. You start getting close and befriend each other. However,
gradually, they give you a dose of cynicism and disrespect, leaving you confused.
Then, something happens, which makes you question their intentions, such as
these:
- Tells another person a little the secret about you
- Complains about you behind your back, about something insignificant
- Don’t mention your involvement at all when you give out ideas that turn into a success.
- Make you feel small; dig into your insecurities
- Treat your accomplishments as a joke
- Make you feel that you’re not good enough
These first signs are very
critical. These manipulators are banking and thriving on the fact that you stay
ignorant. Therefore, it is important for them to keep their “sheep clothing”
and let you just see their sheep version.
Always remembers the rule of toxic behavior they choose to do. If this is just an acquaintance, then all you
need to do is to stop giving them the benefits of being friends with you.
Eventually, they will think that you are of no use and fades away. Most
importantly, don’t tell them anything that they could use against you. Give a
safe answer-comment only when necessary. In short, don’t tell them anything
substantial about your life, and practice saying no to their demands. When you
successfully pull away gradually, then they will fall into the “NOBODY” zone
permanently. Don’t ever think to make them any closer, regardless of how nice
they appear to become.
The tricky part is when you’ve
fallen into the oblivion trap they’ve put together and let them be your closest
friends or relative. Unfriending or pushing them away will always be ugly, but
there are ways to minimize the damage. Slow but sure, push them away from your
closest circle. The ultimate goal is to put them in the “acquaintance” zone
when you occasionally speak or be nice to each other, but strictly in a polite manner.
Here’s one last thing you need to remember: The right way is to cut the tumor
out be it your friend or relative.
And when you accept the fact that
it’s just the way they are, your sanity will thank you. Because then you stop
blaming yourself or justifying their actions, and simultaneously ignoring your
instinctive that has been screaming to you the whole time. One thing that you
need to know is that the number of close friends that you have is not something
to brag about. The equivalent is bragging about how many people have access to
your bank account. That is just stupid.
We can know a lot of people, hang
out with anyone, and network far and wide. But when it comes down to close
friends that you will share your most personal stories, treat this like choosing
your husband or wife. Over time, you’ll develop an instinct and can detect
these kinds of people from a mile away.
Until then, Stay safe. Don’t get bitten with
the same kind of snake twice.
Rab Rakha!!!!!
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