Family or Career? What options should a Lady make?

Everywhere in the world, women's professional decisions are scrutinized, thus it doesn't really matter if a woman chooses a family or a career since society will still question her decision. Similar to Jules in the movie "The Intern," who was repeatedly denounced by everyone around her for prioritizing her work first.

A successful professional woman in our society isn't considered as successful until her husband values her, her children have done well in school, her house is kept up, and her in-laws are content with her. Over the course of her profession, a woman encounters numerous obstacles. Since women must put in more effort than men to be recognized, career progression is far more difficult for them. 

Another major challenge a woman faces is work-life balance. Although everyone struggles with balancing their personal life and work, women are expected to magically handle both areas of their life perfectly or choose one, while men if failed to do so, are excused stating that they are the breadwinners of the house meanwhile women are called selfish.

Almost every working woman has the conundrum of having to decide between her family and her own job at least once in her life. The causes may vary, but the options are largely the same. According to a survey, 42% of women cut back on their job hours and 33% stopped working altogether to care for a child or other family member at some point in their careers. Only 10% of men were reported to have left their jobs to care for a family member.

There is no right or incorrect response; rather, it is merely a question of priorities, which differ greatly from person to person. Whether a woman chooses to work outside the home, hires someone to handle household chores, or even tries to have it all should be fully up to her. Everything is entirely up to her. Everyone has various priorities, thus it makes no sense to categorize them according to how we see them. A woman is not selfish if she chooses her career, and she is not deceptive about her work if she chooses her family. We must treat both women equally, and the only way we can accomplish this is by respecting their liberties.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Are we born with the ability to judge?

"Do not judge individuals," is the first principle of Social Etiquette that society seeks to instil in us. And, of course, we've all heard the hackneyed age-old saying, "Don't judge a book by its cover." We've always been told to be polite and non-judgmental, but have you ever considered the possibility that judging is encoded into our brains and is an innate trait? Is it truly just part of being human to be judgmental?

Others now desire the skills that allowed Homo sapiens to survive 200,000 years ago, according to evolutionary psychology, and one of those traits is making decisions and judgments about people and their surroundings. In other words, we are hardwired. Evolutionary psychologists argue that you can take a person out of the Stone Age, but you can't take the Stone Age out of the person. Back then, these judgements helped humans live by evaluating stimuli to make assessments of risks or danger, and now, we make judgements to decide what is best for us and to better understand others and our surroundings.

When making decisions, one of our reflexes is an individual's look. Our brains are equipped with a supporting element for analyzing faces. This has been proved in trials in which it was discovered that even quickly after birth, newborns prefer to stare at a human face above anything else. Furthermore, it has been shown that even in their first year, youngsters grow more discriminating and are more inclined to crawl towards friendly-looking faces rather than those who appear suspicious to them. By the time we reach adulthood, we are experts at making snap judgments, rushing to conclusions after seeing someone's face for only a tenth of a second.

When we meet a new person, we first use those criteria to appraise them in various ways based on their appearance, demeanour, and other variables. This is an activity that we perform without even thinking about it; it practically comes to us spontaneously, and when asked to explain our decisions, the elements on which we make these decisions are things we have never been taught; they are frequently based on our instincts. Another example of how we make snap judgments based on looks is how we often regard a baby-faced person as more trustworthy, correlate a chiselled jaw with dominance, and see individuals with spectacles as intellectual.

Is there a verdict on judging?

We all judge; it nearly comes to us instantly.

We are biologically programmed to this tendency; it is part of our character. But why do we pass judgment? "Thinking is tough, which is why most people judge," Carl Jung famously stated. In some ways, this sentence encapsulates everything. One theory is that judgment is simple because we depend on past knowledge and heuristics and don't need to think or reason much.

Our brains are programmed to make instinctive judgements about the behaviour of others so that we may move through the world without spending a lot of time or energy trying to understand what we encounter. According to neurobiologists, personal judgement is a natural inclination that may be viewed as a defence mechanism used by the brain. A judgment can be defined as an evaluation of evidence or facts to assist us in making a decision. It's the tiny voice inside our brains telling us to ask that lovely lady for directions instead of that young adolescent since you assumed he wouldn't know. Or when you opt not to queue with the talkative young girl because you believe she will be too lethargic. We analyze or evaluate life events, circumstances, objects, views, thoughts, and people based on the values, emotions, and reasoning that we were taught - sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously. We have touch, speech, hearing, taste, smell, & intuition as human beings. These senses assist us in evaluating and judging people and situations.

Perhaps asking people to "Stop judging others" would not be productive since our efforts will go against our innate human nature and inbuilt impulses. Instead, being more self-aware when we judge can absolutely help. We may utilize that understanding to be more grateful and sympathetic to the environment around us. The reality is that we will judge others and our surroundings, consciously or subconsciously. However, whether we believe judgement to be a natural inclination or not, we should endeavour to be more accepting of others and our individual characteristics because none of us are flawless.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

God has plans for you that you would never know about, but they are always better than you expect!

 

You never know why God chose a precise pathway for you, even if it didn't make much sense to you or seemed unfair or too aching. You never know why God forced you to fight specific encounters or why he forced you to lose those battles. You never know why he chose someone else for something you aspired to or a dream you desired, but you should know that whatever he has in store for you is always far exceptional from anything you could have envisioned for yourself.

You'll never know why his delays, timing, or plans didn't line up with yours, but you should know that over time, you'll realize that you didn't need what you wanted back then, that they were juvenile wishes or dreams from an unhealed or immature version of you. You will change and evolve, and your dreams and passions will shift, and you will thank God that you were not stuck with an old dream or story that would have been incongruous for you.

You never know why God disconnected you from some people or certain people from you. It may not make sense at first, and you may even feel like you have lost a friend, partner etc. You'll never know why God took the people you loved away from you, but you should know that the purpose of every sorrowfulness is to restore you in some other way. Whether it's self-love, inner strength, or astuteness, your suffering taught you something important about yourself or your life that you wouldn't have known then.

You'll never know why God tested you with the things that meant the most to you or that you thought you couldn't live without, but you should know that every time you think you've lost something special, God has something even better in store for you. Every time you chase a blocked road or a closed door, God has a better one waiting for you.

The reality of the situation is, that you never know what God has in store for you, but based on what I've seen in my own life and what I've learned when things didn't go as planned, God had a completely different vision for my life all along, and now I know that what I wanted for myself would have eviscerated me. You never know how many doors God is willing to close to protect you, but you also never know how many doors he is willing to open to bless you with things you never even imagined.

You'll start realizing sooner or later that what God has in store for you is always better than anything you could have imagined for yourself.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Opinions aren't facts. Stop worrying about what people think about you!

 

People say I'm communicating less these days. To be frank, I've intentionally severed a number of loose ends in my relationships& friendships. Some acquaintances who speak to me on various levels follow me with their curious eyes and ask, 'Hey, why aren't you talking to him these days?' 'Why aren't you seen with her now?'

Wait, am I asking these questions for self-awareness or to be able to respond to those around me? True, we are always concerned with looking good in public. So far, my life has been a roller coaster ride.

People who ask intrusive questions irritate me. 'Do you have a husband?' What is the number of kids you have? 'Do you have a property?' To be honest, I'm tempted to tell them on their faces, "Why can't you mind your own business, I actually imply, your life?" Regrettably, we treat all of our relationships as if they were business transactions. But we make things happen. Why do people encroach into the lives of others? Is their life so stinky that they don't want to look at it and prefer to avoid it by putting the emphasis on the lives of others?

These people irritate me. They appear to be blind egg sacs of force that binds beliefs, diving within illusory bounds, too lazy and timid to look beyond them, until their last breath. So, how useful is it to put me out there in front of them? Besides, why should I offer my life for their idle chatter and gossip? Do I put my happiness in the hands of others? No. No way.

But we are obligated to these multitudes of codes and relationships from the moment we are born. It's all fixed and tied down. There is no empty space. We don't cross that heavily guarded line. And we are told what to wear, what to eat, what to study, and who to marry. All of our preferences and choices are made for us.

Constant reminders keep us on track. 'You do this and don't do that.' You'll get a lot of applause if you do this. However, if you do this, you will be rendered ineffective.' We do not question, but rather weave our lives around these predetermined social and religious norms.

We can avoid religious dictums, but not societal edicts. We have the ability to deceive God and tell lies in his name. People around us, on the other hand, keep a close eye on us to see where we go wrong. They aren't interested in guiding us, but they do enjoy moral policing. If I have issues, you must as well. And if you don't have any, I'll make some for you.

Please wait a minute. Is it possible to forge one's own path? Can we truly forge our own path in a vacuum? Is my life being led by me, or is it being led by the world around me? Is it possible for me to truly own my life?

The oddest aspect of this great journey is that it started with a word search. Yes, the quest for the value of life. Whatever my imagination maybe, I must test it only in this life. However, this stimulant is late in life, after countless setbacks, disappointments, tearful moments, long sighs, and anxiety phases. It is too late to celebrate these newfound moments of self-awareness. So, do we have a choice? Life vanishes before our eyes the moment we believe we have grasped it.

We love labelling people but are unwilling to look within to see what is stinking on the inside. The subconscious mind never blossoms, but rather shrinks within. We fake our lives, consistently engulfing our true selves with a fistful of mud until they are completely buried without a trace. The deceased is remembered for what he did for others by sacrificing his soul (a rusted soul). The world celebrates human life in this way and moves on with no disruption to the redundant system. People who diverge from this normalcy were labelled abnormal and mocked.

Unless we put our hearts into it, anything becomes boring after a few days, months, or years. 'Don't do any work if you don't enjoy it,' says D H Lawrence. Yes, regardless of the outcome around me or how individuals perceive me, I should undeniably create my own contentment. Today is preferable to tomorrow.

Live your life in peace, as if nothing bad were happening. Be a cheerful person. Never disseminate negativity. You understand your worth. You are aware that you are correct. That is all. Go ahead, be happy, and focus on your goal.

Moral: Never ever let people's sayings affect your decision.

It's your life, live it as you want.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Try Giving the Toxic Relatives a Dose Of Their Own Medicine Just Once!

 

I'm sure we all have toxic, annoying relatives who despise us for no apparent reason. What is the best way to deal with them?

There has been a lot written, discussed, and acknowledged about toxic spouses, in-laws, and even parents. However, one can still find people speaking out or sharing their experiences with toxic relatives, both close and distant.

To grasp the concept of these toxic relatives, we must first define a relative. A relative is any person of any age or gender who holds a position of power in the family tree. As a result, you have a good reason to be polite to them.

Few of them are bestowed upon you by birth, while others are added through a legal process known as marriage.

Obviously, you have a few kind souls among your well-wishers. At the same time, there are those who simply cannot stand you for reasons best known to them.

They simply don't seem to like you. These are the people who enjoy throwing their weight around and never miss an opportunity to belittle you, whether through words or actions. They despise your silhouette as much as they despise your existence. And these relatives most emphatically fall into the category of toxic relatives.

The mere knowledge of their arrival would cause butterflies in your stomach. And when you do see them in person, all of their efforts revolve around slamming snide remarks down your throat. It could be anywhere. They will make comments on everything from your sense of fashion to the way you express yourself to your profession. In fact, they will not even consider factors that no one can control, such as your height, weight, or complexion!

When you call them out of courtesy, they are all set to bombard you with a slew of complaints they have against you. In some cases, the ill-treatment is so subtle and silent that only the victim is aware of it.

Even displaying your best qualities will not change these people's preconceived notions of you. You are and will remain a cretin to them, no matter how well you have proven your worth on both the professional and personal fronts.

Have you ever wondered why they don't like you?

Every attempt you make to remain cordial or engage in normal conversation will be crushed under the weight of their false prestige and ego. You might wonder what you did to them to deserve this snooty and illogical attitude. Indeed, you might wonder if these people could give you a convincing reason for their hatred if you asked them.

They would, without a doubt, have a response; whether it is convincing or not is a different story altogether. Here are some examples of possible responses:

‘Oh! You mistook my candour for rudeness!'

'I say what I think.' That's just the way I am – a book with no cover.'

'How could you possibly have thought such a thing?'

 And right there, they'll push you deep into their pool of crocodile tears. Not to mention that they will tie a boulder of guilt to your conscience and ensure that you are not at peace with yourself.

 I mean, seriously!

I'm sure I'm reading your mind!

If one could create a mathematical equation for these explanations (white lies), I believe it would look like this:

Their rudeness = honesty = naive = them being children at heart

However, your questioning of them is pure misunderstanding/illusion.

Do you have people like this in your life? The relationships in which the onus of maintaining cordial ties is constantly placed solely on you? Where, despite your best efforts, you are perpetually on the receiving end. Relationships in which your politeness is misinterpreted as cowardliness, encouraging them to maintain their high-handed attitude.

It's not that you aren't tempted to give them a taste of their own medicine. However, your high moral values and beliefs act as a roadblock. 'I know, I'm reading your mind.'

Then, for once, set those values aside, swing yourself into action, and simply give them back!

The moral of the storey is that if God can do it, then we are mere mortals!

 Rab Rakha!!!!!

“Stop seeing it as office politics and start seeing it as office partnerships.”

 

Office politics are no stranger to anyone in the workplace today. For those who are unfortunate enough to be caught in this toxic environment, it can make life a living hell. Chances are you’ve encountered office politics sometime along in your career, and you’re looking for ways on how to deal with it.

The truth is that office politics and terrible work environments are becoming more predominant, as a result of the dogmatic structure that is behind most corporate companies today. On one hand are eager employees that want to work hard, contribute meaningful results to the company and climb the corporate ladder, and on the other hand, are those that don’t want others getting ahead of them. These kinds of people are the ones who create office politics and drama, who don’t like it when others get ahead of them in life and will do anything they can to prevent it from happening.

Office politics is very similar to something called ‘Crab Mentality’. If you put one crab in a bucket, it will manage to skulk out and escape. However, if you put a whole bunch of crabs together, not one crab will be able to find freedom. This is because when a crab begins to climb out of the bucket, the other crabs will do whatever it takes to pull the escaping crab back into the bucket. As a result, none of the crabs are able to climb up and escape to somewhere better – a very similar situation you’d encounter in a company where office politics run rampant and everyone is trying to pull each other down.

So how do you survive corporate office politics without losing your integrity, happiness and peace of mind?

The answer is: You can’t.

In any environment that you find yourself in, there will always be some form of politics. You can’t control how other people act, and you can’t control the mindset that they have. All you can do is focus on what you do have control over Yourself.

Office politics is a confrontation in which no one wins. If you’re stuck in a toxic environment, here are a few things you can do to protect yourself

First, you must know what kind of battle you are fighting. Who are the people creating all the drama? Who are the influential decision-makers? How should you behave? Your response towards when things happen is going to influence how much more easily or difficult things become. Mind your own business, think strategically…

Second, understand where it comes from. Is it jealousy that creates conflict between people? Or is it something else, something more personal? If people are out to get you if they’re sabotaging your work and making it difficult for you to progress in your company, think about what actions you can take to achieve the desired outcome. If a particular person is purposely delaying your work, you can speak to an influential decision-maker to get around the problem, instead of confronting it directly. “You must be formless, shapeless, like water.” – Bruce Lee

Third, ask yourself if it’s worth it. Is your health, and emotional well-being worth it? If you’re in a hopeless situation with no way out, walking away can be the best thing you can do. By choosing the decision to walk away, you don’t have to engage yourself in a war you had no intention of participating in, and may even discover an environment or company that is much more enjoyable to be in.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Unwanted Gyaan Gurus in our life's😎😎

Honestly, I dislike people who offer me unsolicited advice and I've had a fair share of those kinds of people (nosy friends& pesky relatives) in my life . Nowadays I've learnt to flout these kinds of people, maybe even cut-off relationships if the behaviour persists and gets hard to manage. It’s really not worth getting into a squabble or trying to elucidate your point of view with these folks, because they tend to think that they are doing you a huge act of kindness by giving you their treasured advice.

Here’s a couple responses you could give out to these niches of people:

“Thank you. I’ll give that some thought.”

“Thank you. That might work. Let me think about it.”

“Huh. I never would have thought of that.”

“Interesting. I’ll keep that in mind.”

 

All of these are nods for the suggestion, yet are completely non-committal. Teaching people to not advocate anything to you is imprudent; none of us has waylaid the market on wisdom and experience, and sometimes the best solutions come from sources you’d never expect.

Nothing that anyone says ever has to be accepted in whole or in part until after it has been tested against reality. The beauty of this simple system is that it’s is impossible to be snubbed.

 Oh, and if it isn’t any good GYAN I just file it in the waste paper bin. Once in a while, I perceptually raid that bin to try crackpot ideas when all else fails. In short, keep your mind and your ears open. It will pay off.

Only the people who pay my bills have a right to offer unsolicited gyaan. Beware of such gyaani schmucks and keep them at one hand distance.

Rab Rakha!!!!!