I was not aware of the encounters of the corporate world till I moved to Punjab. Up till then, I thought, what was the burruhaha about?
Ask men and they will marvel why
women need to be speaking about women empowerment and equality when they have
all the same probabilities. And no, of course, they have never ever treated men
and women differently! It hurts them that women would even say that :)
This made me question that
perhaps men, being in the majority in the decision-making, both in homes,
organisations and countries, may actually be blindsided by the challenges a woman
faces sometimes. They can't help with what they don't know!
What can we do? I realized that
women may be adding to that by not doing a few things well themselves and maybe
starting there...
Many women, in a bid to get to
the top, hardly act like women, there is little feminism left in them. What is
the point of having more women join any association if they are to subsist only
by acting like men? The network also appreciates and gratifies the belligerent
drive, the hunt, the rivalry, each to his/her own...whether in men or in
women...does not help, don’t do that to yourself, ladies. The feminine vigour
is as much needed as the masculine energy. If you are upset about the way
that the customer or your manager spoke to you, let them know. And if tears
came out while doing that, excuse yourself, or just let it be, cry right there
and then come back. Sure, they will stamp you as overtly sensitive and emotive.
They will give you a berm and take away the cheque (for being such a ‘sissy’).
No problem! You be yourself. Learn from being that and how to express yourself realistically
then learn to suppress it.
You are a woman. Stop repudiating
yourself and start appreciating it. Wear lovely colours. Wear that
jewellery. Get that soft satin shirt. Stop shouting and get back to speaking softly.
Be careful of your dress, yes, but don’t be ashamed of it, consistently
watching to see if all is okay. How many times you give people no reason to
think I’ll of you, they do it anyway. Same here. The world is not changing
right away today. No reason to be whacking forever. Wearing yourself makes you
vulnerable to the wrong people. Yes. Learn to deal with that and not hide
from it. The trick here is to keep your eyes honest. Don’t give anyone a reason
to believe they can cross the line with you.
“Real diversity is in valuing the
opinion and perspectives that the gentler sex brings” Stand up and say what you
think. Don’t mince words and don’t rearticulate them. Just say them! Let people
learn what real diversity is! Just because you are too blunt, too gentle, too
women-ish, too expressive, talk more than men folks, are way more collaborative
and give away too much information, would rather be with the child than in a
pub socializing……and anything else that comes with the female hormones
sometimes…. live it up! Help the organisation and its people learn to manage
this diversity. It is your role to keep it alive enough for them to find a way
to manage it. Don’t surrender. If they were looking for more men, then that is
what they should have hired :) You are a woman. Sometimes women come with
these. Take the whole package or leave it. Wear that up your sleeve.
Don’t benchmark yourself with
what a man in your career path can do. You know that society is more sympathetic
to men being at the workplace than you do. The factor that in and be proud of where
you are. And then, go give them a run for their money!
Don’t compete with them either. Cooperate with them. Educate them on how to team up with you. How you like to be treated and conveyed a task’s urgency and updates compared to the other gender. Maybe you like it less military-like and motherly. Well, let them know! Maybe you want more litheness with your job, for all the extra work you have to do around the house, let them know how you like to manage your work and family. Maybe you care too much if you got the rating or not, it hurts you more that you are not appreciated, let them know what drives you and if you feel you have not been treated fairly. Teach them how to treat you. Maybe they don’t know.
If you have taken a long
sabbatical to enjoy your child, wear it with pride. Don’t compare yourself with
the men and women who didn’t take the sabbatical. Stand up from where you are
and take it up from there, without shame or guilt, driving your decisions. Any
company, worth its salt, will see you for your potential (and possibly, your
very women-like heart to nurture your young) and give you that shot. Else go
find a business and run it yourself! There are many women impresario across the
world who have delivered some amazing benefits and impact! If you know how hard
it was to even get educated, given your circumstances, don’t underplay it. If
you know how hard it still is to leave your child at home and come to work,
don’t forget it. Let what you know of yourself and your circumstances drive you
forward. Don’t let others' views of where you should have been stop you from
where you could be headed! Also, research says women apply only when they know
80-100%, and men apply even if they know only 25% of the job. Don't be tougher on
yourself than you have to be!
Ensure you laugh and have fun at normal jokes. Where they become gender specific, let them know you are not okay. Enjoy the camaraderie and diversity discussions bring, but where they get personal, cut the talk. Don’t let a joke or a shoulder when crying, become the reason to let the wrong people into your camp. Say thanks, repay the favour in equally kind gestures and move on. Don’t be over-obligated. Do not compromise for anything. This is specifically true when you become a fish in a pond for a long time and think that the ecosystem is the only system you can survive in, in the world. This is also true when you might have a male in the system who likes to keep you under his thumb, making you believe that the world starts and ends with him. Grow up ……and grow strong! Do NOT be embarrassed and ashamed of drawing the lines! You have the Parvati (nurturing) and the Kali (destroying) side in you. Use both.
I have heard a lot of women quip that it’s the women that cut the other women’s path. Maybe it’s true maybe it
is not. You won’t be that woman who gives pay less than the men in your team
just because you hate her willpower and her charm. Don’t penalise her because
she gets emotional fast and over-jabbers when she is dismayed. You stand up and
be an inspiration for the women in your team, in your country, all over the
world. This, you do, by being a woman and not like a man (in women's attire) and
then and then alone…... you would have stood up for the women as a community. Same
in your houses. Support your mother’s perceptions of things. Hearten it.
The first thing to bring down a
revolution is to cut its voice. Making men out of women is one way to jeopardize
the voice of femininity. The other is to ignore the women when key verdicts need
to be made, whether in the house or in projects. Another one is to 'tell' them
how they are equal to men and 'act' quite the opposite. Find a way to let them
know you have a voice and you plan to keep it. Exercise your voice with chicness
and don’t be ashamed to be self-confident (not aggressive). Lastly, if you feel
like a superior race for that day only, it's okay to ignore the other voices :)Also,
have a voice when the men around you are taking a stab at other women for being
too emotional, too right, too this and that. Stop them there. Remember those
that chin-wag with you, gossip about you. Yes, it is not always an equal plane
when you are out there sometimes. That is when the tips above will help. Other
times, don’t use these as a way to feel victimised and overly cautious. These
are ways to be on the watch out, not to be used as weapons. Use the women's card
to play out your perspective and introduce your thinking in the right light
only. Do not use the women's card to get things that you are not getting, because
you maybe don’t deserve them yet.
Accept the fact that you have different responses to situations, as a woman, and factor that into your own introspection and decisions. There is a need for women to step up and increase their representation at the top of all organisations. Their perspective will lessen some of the cultural and relationship nuances those organisations face and pave the way for a faster-growing world rich in values, ideas and purposes.
A close friend, once told me she
could no longer take all the politics and red tape. She would leave her child
at home to nannies and play school only so she could do meaningful work, and that was not happening anymore. Sure, she could have played the game a little
while longer, but she realized the 'the hunt and the chase' was what she
wanted. She left and is happy making a globally better leader....at home.
Another one felt the same way.
She did not enjoy the way she was consistently side-lined to her male
counterparts. She left the organisation to run a business. She now makes a lot
of money...only it is her own way. She also hires and supports a lot of women
candidates.
To being a woman. Have it your
way.
Rab Rakha!!!!!
❤️
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