Societal Expectations of Women That Need to Die

Men and women have always had different expectations in society. That’s the way history has played out and continues to play out today. As women gained more equality, doors were opened to more opportunities.

Despite the advances women have made, there is obviously more changes that need to happen. One of the many expectations that need to change is the idea of “having it all.”

What does that mean?

The first thing I want to note is that “having it all” is a phrase not directed at the population at large. It is specified to women and women only.

Why?
I’m honestly not sure. I’m assuming because society believes that men already have it all. So someone concocted this idea that no women “have it all.” Thus, society needed to dish out advice to women on how they too can “have it all.”But first, society needs to define what they believe all women in 2016 must have in order to truly “have it all” and have succeeded in life:

• College Degree
• Career
• Marriage
• Kids

Are there women who do in fact want everything on this list? Of course.But does every single woman on the face of the planet want all of these things?The problem with the phrase “having it all” assumes that all women, all over the planet, have the exact same list of dreams they hope to accomplish in life in order to feel like they’ve “made it.” This isn’t the case. We are human beings. We are not one size fits all. We aren’t robots.

I believe that just like men, women should feel free to live their lives as they please (as long as they’re not hurting anyone or committing crimes, of course). We don’t see articles about men struggling to “have it all,” yet throughout the years, there have been many magazine covers like this:

All magazine covers are debating about what’s “right” to women’s lives. These in-depth articles these days explore “non-traditional” decisions some women make. These articles dissect the statistics of how many women aren’t having kids, what happens when women have a career and kids and explore the reasons for women parenting the way that they do.

Do magazines study and write extensive articles like this about men? No. Men have never been involved in these repetitive discussions that seem to be never-ending.
My question about these debates on women’s lives?
Honestly, why does any of this matter? Should it?

My theory is that the media and society make it appear like it matters because women are still consistently judged by absolutely everyone. It’s a fact of being a woman in the world.Our appearances, life choices, goals, dreams, and opinions are all dissected, picked apart, debated, questioned, and judged. We are judged by the media, society, our teachers, our families,doctors, and strangers. We cannot escape judgment.

The problem with this is that society has made it impossible for women to “have it all” because society has a specific opinion on what “it all” is. If you haven’t checked every box on their list, then you don’t have it all according to society.
When there is a trend of women making decisions different from society’s expectations of them, like opting out of parenthood, for example, the media and society freak out like the world is coming to an end.
“Oh my gosh, why are fewer women having kids?!?’
“What’s wrong with these women?”
“How can we change their minds?”
“Are women who don’t have kids selfish?”

Women still have narrow expectations in society today, even in the most developed countries. When we travel our own paths and make our own choices, there is an absolute frenzy from, well, everyone. Women are still expected to check every item off the list of the “To Do List of Every Woman on the Planet,” and when women don’t, there are debates about why not.

Newsflash: It doesn’t matter.
If women aren’t hurting anyone, who cares if some women don’t have kids?
Or don’t get married?
Or don’t go to college?
Or don’t have a perfect career?

Women are human beings, too, and not all women have the same brain, the same values, or even the same interests. Shocking, I know. Women are (GASP!) free to make choices. Just like not all men have the same ambitions in life, neither do women.

This idea of women “having it all” seems to give women the message that they can never have “it all” because it’s impossible. Evidently, they are saying, “It’s possible for men to have a college degree, get married, have kids, and have a career, but women, you just can’t do that. Sorry!” It’s the assumption that all women everywhere want all of these things, and that it’s automatically an impossibility.

My version of “having it all” may differ from another woman’s version of it. Also, I don’t even believe in the phrase “having it all” because I believe that the phrase is just agenda pushing. It’s pushing the message that women are set up to fail and that they should be fighting their entire lives to achieve “it all.” It’s just forcing women to continue being “good girls” and following what society expects from them. Men are judged slightly for not achieving these things as well, but not even close to the degree women are judged. Women are judged so harshly it’s filled worldwide debates.

As everyone continues to debate if women can “have it all” (or if “having it all” should even be discussed anymore), I hope that more people start coming around to the idea that women can make individual choices and that the only thing that should matter is that women are happy and fulfilling their own personal dreams.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Living well is the best revenge

You thought of her/him as a friend and ally, but by resorting to underhanded tactics that made you look bad, backstabbing became the only word to define her actions. Backstabbing friends or colleagues are a part of life, and the act itself happens to nearly everyone at some point in life. The betrayal of a trusted friend or colleague inflicts pain and hurt. Why People Backstab Reasons why people backstab others range from cowardice to a need for power. The sole purpose of backstabbing is gaining the upper hand and garnering power. Backstabbing is not limited to one individual or another.

Backstabbing at Work: It is far easier to understand why co-workers or colleagues revert to backstabbing antics rather than a friend. Colleagues wish to gain notice from superiors and put themselves in position for advancement. Backstabbing in the office is a scheme to make you look bad and the backstabber appears better. Lies and deception are the tools of a backstabbing co-worker on a mission to prove how inept you are at your job. There are many ways people backstab others at work. After completing a group project, one person may complain to a superior about how difficult it was to work with the group and that so-and-so lacked focus. By criticizing other people, the backstabber feels better about herself. Backstabbing may be nothing more than idle gossip about you to other co-workers. Using every occasion to bring attention to your faults or weaknesses is a mean-spirited tactic. Offering to complete a project or task assigned to another co-worker is one such tactic. Although it makes the backstabber look good temporarily, in the long run, the backstabber will lose the confidence of her peers.

Backstabbing Friends: Backstabbing friends represent a different breed of underhanded schemes. It is hard to imagine what a friend can gain by backstabbing. Like a colleague, she/he believes she/he can gain an advantage in life. It might be by usurping a mutual friend closer to you. A friend that tells lies to take the upper hand wants to destroy your reputation. Even worse is the friend who reveals a confidence to others opening you up to all manner of finger pointing and gossip. When a friend backstabs the pain may be overwhelming. This is someone you trusted and believed had your best interests at heart just as you did hers. Discovering a dark side of a friend requires a new look at the friendship. Is a friend who backstabs worth keeping as a friend?

Learning how to deal with backstabbing is important to move on. Dealing with a backstabber at work requires a different strategy than dealing with manipulative friends. A backstabbing friend requires handling with kid gloves. If the friendship is over, then worrying about hurt feelings is moot. Meet the backstabber head on, but not until you can face her without anger spilling over. Be cool, calm and collected when you confront them. Expect everything and anything to be laid out on the table. Backstabbers often exhibit passive-aggressive behavior and tend to dislike confrontations. No one wants to feel the betrayal of backstabbing best friends or colleagues. It does happen and when it does make certain that you are prepared to deal with the backstabber in an appropriate manner. For friends, it may come down to cutting them out of your life. You will not have that option in the workplace. Finding ways to live with the backstabber or remove yourself from the situation. A good quote to live by “Living well is the best revenge.”

Rab Rakha!!!!!

How to smell an insecure person

It is very easy to know whether a person is insecure or not I read some article online so thought of putting the same here. Just try them on these important points:

• Running down others' looks: Someone who is insecure about their looks will often point to someone across the room, or across the gym, or on their phone screen, and point just out how ugly they think they are, or what all their faults are, or how awful their clothes are. This is because they themselves are insecure. People who are okay with themselves never have a need to point out the physical faults or fashion transgressions of others.
• Humiliating those they were once close to: Someone who is insecure about how they've acted or treated someone else will publicly defame or bad-mouth that other person, and even worse, they will offer only one side of the story. Theirs. People who didn't have a major part in the demise of said friendship or relationship have no need to defame the person from their past.
• Bragging around: Someone who is insecure about how much they have accomplished in their lives, or in their careers, or in their relationships, or in their goals, will brag about everything they have done or accomplished. This is not to be confused with confidence. People who are okay with where their life is at, where it's going, and what they've accomplished so far, have no need to brag.
• Belittling others' success: A person who views another person's success as superior to their own, or who sees the public praise surrounding another person's success and is intimidated by it, will belittle and diminish that success in any way that they can. People who appreciate the success of others, and use it to inspire themselves and push themselves to greater things, have no need to ever belittle a successful person in their quest to feel better.
• Giving excuses for trampling on others: Someone who knows that they are treating other people's time and relationships as disposable will always have a "really good excuse" as to why they always show up half an hour late, or why they don't treat their friends and family better, or why they talk bad behind your back. Their excuses are always somehow noble and if you question them, it is you who becomes the jerk.
• Real bad losers: There is nothing this type of insecure person hates more than losing. At anything. And when they do lose, they will tell you all sorts of reasons why their loss isn't really a loss, or why it wasn't fair, or why the other person had an imbalanced advantage, or how they know that the other person was cheating.
• Horrible winners: They are either preemptively striking your next win, or they are covering up their past losses, or they are attempting to squelch any doubt others obviously might now have about their abilities. Good winners have no need to do anything but put out their hand and say "good game" when they do win.
• Mocking others in poverty: Someone who is insecure about their own financial security will constantly and sincerely ridicule those living in poverty or in lesser circumstances. People who don't define their worth by the rupee amount in their bank account have no need to make fun of those in lesser situations.
• Blind to others' positivity: Someone who is intimidated by another's greatness, light, or achievement, will work seemingly endlessly to bring that other person down. They will ceaselessly search for and point out to others the negatives and the weaknesses within those who make them feel most unconfident, and they will not, under any circumstances ever acknowledge the goodness that also exists.
• They will make idle threats: Sometimes, people who fear that their insecurities have been discovered, or at least are under suspicion, will often make idle threats if you challenge their insecure ways of "acting out." They will threaten your good name, your livelihood, and your relationships. They will threaten to do harm to your good reputation. Someone who is not feeling insecure will never have a reason to threaten you to protect their own insecurities.
• Pinning you eternally to your past mistakes: Some people feel so defined by their past mistakes and their past failures that they refuse to ever let you move past yours. They search for any moment in time where you were less than perfect or where you made a mistake, and they will attempt to make everyone label you by that mistake forever more. They will not see any of the great things you have been, done, or accomplished since.
• Always the last word: Some insecure people love to engage others as a way of feeling validated, intelligent, and authoritative. They will not concede any point, no matter how silly their argument is, and they will not ever agree to disagree. They always have to have the last word, or else they feel inferior and insignificant.
• Everything to them is a hidden jab: People who are insecure about their ability to hide their weaknesses will think that almost everything you or I do or say about much of anything is a direct jab aimed at them, specifically. They will think almost any discussion around them has ulterior motives, and they'll constantly shuffle the conversation back to them in an effort to dissect the motives of everyone involved.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Sometimes, I think it's good to cut people out of your life. Less drama and complicated people.

I don’t like drama. Who does? Unnecessary nastiness in real life is not fun for most people.

Fun fact: If someone tells you they’re against, allergic to, or just straight-up not OK with drama within the first five minutes of meeting them, they’re lying to you and are the exact opposite. I have met one or two people EVER who are the exception to this rule, but they are few and far between.

There was a woman I worked with when I first arrived at my job. Let’s call her A.The first day I met A, she was friendly, outgoing, and bubbly. We shared an office, and I figured we’d get along fine (and, for the most part, we did). But one of the first things she told me was, “Ugh, I HATE drama! I have a kid  and I’m just SO busy, like, who has the time!? and later she gossiped about anyone and everyone at work”

Not that I am anywhere near perfect. I have my fair share of negative thoughts and outbursts, and I wouldn’t be surprised if someone has cut me from their life because I just didn’t jive with them.

But I’ve also learned in my almost 30 years what I’m willing to tolerate and what I’m not. And I finally reached the point where I’ve had to cut out a couple people because they’ve contributed more bad than good to my life. It’s difficult because I think people come into our lives for reasons and shit. But when you can look at yourself and be like, “I’m not a bad person, so why do I feel that way?”, attribute it to a single person or group of people, and you realise it’s something that happens more often that you’d like, something’s got to give.

I’ve been there, and after going back and forth for a while, I think I’ve finally conquered it. So without further ado, here are tips for trimming those people your life without letting it consume you:

Evaluate your relationship.

First and foremost, step back and think about why you’re considering cutting contact with this person. Some questions I’ve asked myself are:

• Has this person truly wronged me, or am I taking their words/actions to heart when I shouldn’t?
• Is there something going on behind the scenes that may be affecting our relationship (i.e., is this a newer issue that could have nothing to do with me)?
• Is this an issue we can work out together?
• Can I trust him/her to keep my best interests at heart?
• Does he/she respect me (and vice versa)?
• Do I really think he/she enjoys taking digs at me/making me feel bad?
• How do I feel about myself when connecting with him/her?
• What does he/she contribute to my life that I would be lost without?

It’s also important to consider your relationship. For example, I’d never personally cut off contact with anyone in my family unless they REALLY did me wrong. Luckily something that serious hasn’t happened, but if it did I might reconsider. Think about how long you’ve known this person, what they might be dealing with internally, and the pros and cons of keeping them around.

Trust your gut.

The one person who knows yourself best is you. Even on days when you’re not feeling at your best, you know more than anyone what will make you feel better and what’s bothering you in the first place. If you feel like someone is toxic to your well-being, that’s enough. You don’t have to tell anyone your reasons for not wanting to be associated with someone. All the justification in the world will not change that, in the same way, that someone who is seemingly perfect in every way still isn’t the one for you if there’s no chemistry. You don’t owe anyone anything, and you deserve to have peace of mind and a positive environment devoid of people who bring you down, deliberately or not.

Don’t just unfriend or unfollow -- (and stick to it).

Social media can be such a bitch. It’s so easy to passive aggressively say whatever you want and then say, “Oh, that wasn’t about you! Omg, I’m SO sorry you thought that!”

Back to #2: Trust your gut. Do you feel like something was aimed at you? Regardless of whether it was, do you feel like the fact that it might be is personally affecting you? Guess what -- real friends won’t make you feel that way. Ever. The block feature exists for a reason. Use it. Even if the issues you have with the person you’re cutting out aren’t social-media related, it’s not worth the annoyance of seeing something that person posts. Facebook, especially, is passive-aggression heaven. Blocking fixes that easily.

Also? When you’re done, you’re done. You made the decision to make your life better, and you turned that decision into an executable action. So don’t snoop around and ask how that person is doing, what they’re up to, etc. It doesn’t concern you anymore (and that’s OK).

Confide in people close to you…and be prepared to lose other friends in the process.

This one is pretty self-explanatory, but I mean, you’re allowed to talk about it. Letting go of a relationship, even a bad one, is difficult — especially if you’re ripping it off like a Band-Aid. Talk to people you love and trust if the process is difficult for you. They will support your decision.

Also keep in mind that you might see some unfriending, unfollowing, etc. that you might not expect. That’s obviously a very surface-level depiction, but other people will drop off the face of the earth (or, as I like to think of it, move over and make room for better relationships).

No bad-mouthing.

It might be hard at first, but do your best to separate the character of the person you’re cutting out from why you’re eliminating their presence in your life. Honestly, there are most likely a ton of awesome things about that person, and bad-mouthing them or insulting their character is going to get you nowhere except back into a negative state of mind that cutting the person out was supposed to help free you from in the first place. Name-calling, eye-rolling, gossiping, etc. defeats that purpose. Just nod politely if the person is mentioned. Remember that you’re taking care of yourself first and foremost, and that is what matters. 

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Open your eyes and life is a beautiful ride :-)

We have our shares of seesaws in life. In life we meet people from the different way of life & locale, we like some we detest some.  It is not feasible to please everyone all the time, some people may not get along well with us & we got to understand that.
I've met a lot of people in the last few years, people from different backgrounds, religion & countries. Even though we are dissimilar, there is one thing which is present in every individual I've met over the period of years. No matter how tough or candid a person is, even after claiming they to be strong & different from others - there is still some bit of sentiment which breaks them and makes them a little vulnerable at times. I think "emotions" are something no one can run away from.In the past months my life has changed fully - From the feeling of helplessness, it’s switched to a feeling of awesomeness& independence. I think everything happens for a reason, we go through horrific times which help us in our comings and goings in life. 
Time heals everything, I guess I believe the same happened with me, I am now doing what I always wanted to do and things are far-fetched!Right now the only plan is to become skilled at & step up little by little and try to make me better & perfect each day & take every day as a challenge.
For those who judge me here are a few words for them: “Don’t judge me. You’re not living my life and you know nothing about my battles. You have not the faintest idea of how I managed to smile after going through storms or how I transformed myself. You have not the faintest idea of what I have gone through and why I am who I am today. This is my life and only I know the real story. The strains, the struggles, the sorrows are all mine. They’re not for you to assess or evaluate; I give that last word to none, for My Guiding Light is within. - Amrinder Kaur"

Rab Rakha!!!!!

New Innings in Life :-)

The last couple of months have been tumultuous! But I have recovered by an electrifying new beginning.

So what’s my new beginning?

I’m back working in high spirits, cheery and back to my usual self. I am totally loving it!

New beginnings can be laden with uncertainty but they are also filled with incredible joy and possibility. Think new job, new people, and new environment. All pretty exciting stuff.

Here are some of my initial thoughts on new beginnings.

YOU SEE POSSIBILITIES AND OPPORTUNITIES

Possibilities and opportunities are everywhere. Hooray for that!

The problem is sometimes we just don’t see them either because we are either stuck in a furrow, too scared to move out of our comfort zone or feeling glum.

After job hunting, I was starting to feel like I was running out of opportunities. I was undeniably feeling pessimistic which fogged up my thinking. Oddly enough when I stopped stressing about not finding a job and focused on myself and my health, a job offer came along out of the blue.

New beginnings are all about seeking out new opportunities and truly opening ourselves up to new adventures. Fresh starts allow us to see the world and often us in a new light.

YOU SEE A CLEAR PATH FORWARD

New beginnings give us a chance to work towards what we really want. They give us a chance to let go of the past, focus firmly on a bright new future and commit to moving forward in leaps and bounds.

Fresh starts are a great time for reflection but more importantly for planning, goal setting and for having fun at the moment!

YOU APPRECIATE THE WONDERFUL THINGS ALREADY IN YOUR LIFE

Even though I haven’t had a lot of time for blogging lately (hence the lack of new posts in this space) I now have a renewed passion for my blog.

I gave myself permission to take a break. Granted I have had lots of occasions where my blogging was inconsistent but previously any breaks were riddled with guilt and a fair amount of being hard on myself for not writing (for the record, being hard on yourself is NOT a good way to get the creative ideas flowing).

Now thankfully I am. My creative mind is clicking back into gear and I’m ready to dive back into writing and creating new content.

While I am on the topic of blogging and consistency I would like to commit to a new blogging schedule.  You can expect a new post here on the blog.

Granted new beginnings can be a little scary, but there’s no doubt they can also be magical, exciting, joyous and thrilling!

Like everything else in life, it all depends on how you choose to look at it.

What new beginning are you excited about?

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Power Of Contentment

While many readers have noted my efforts and articles on recent happenings in my life, what I haven’t stressed as much is the beauty of becoming content with what you have now and who you are now.

I’m definitely a go-getter — I always have my eye on a goal, whether that’s writing, fighting for my rights, learning new things, improving my blog, trying something out of the box or one of a dozen other goals I’ve had (and usually achieved) in the last couple of months. And once I’ve achieved a goal, I begin looking for another.

So isn’t that a contradiction? Doesn’t that seem to be a sign of that I’m not content with my life? Not at all. I’m extremely content with my life, with what I have, and with who I am. I have acknowledged that I am the type of person who will always be pushy for something or the other, the type of person who enjoys a face up to, and who enjoys the voyage. It’s not the aspiration that matters to me — it’s the journey to get there that is so fun. And I’m content with being that type of person.

So contentment isn’t a matter of being content with your situation in life and never trying to improve it. It’s a matter of being content with what you have — but realising that as humans; we will always try to improve, no matter how happy we are. If we don’t, we have given up on life.

Today I’d like to discuss contentment and the amazing things it can do in all aspects of our lives. And then we’ll look at a few tips for getting to contentment.

“Happiness is self-contentedness.” – Aristotle

My Life

I’m going to use my life as an example here, only because I’m more intimately familiar with it than any other life. Looking back, I wasn’t always content. There have been times in my life when I wasn’t happy, when things seemed dismal when I questioned myself why this is happening to me. I wasn’t content with the way things were, and now I know that my outlook on life was a major contributor to my unhappiness.

We choose whether we are happy or unhappy. Read that sentence again if it’s not already something you consciously practice in your daily life. If you’re unhappy with your life right now, I will venture to guess that it’s because you’ve chosen to be unhappy. That sounds harsh, but in my experience, it’s completely true. Edit based on reader comments: I cannot speak to whether this concept of happiness applies to everyone — especially clinically depressed or those with similar disorders, people who are starving or homeless, people who have undergone massive tragedies or abuse, or others in such circumstances. However, for most readers, I believe the principles will apply.

You might say, “But my life is crap! Of course, I’m going to be unhappy!” And I hear you: I’ve had those times when my job wasn’t going well,  lived a middle class life back in Dubai something which I was not used to, when my relationships weren’t going well I was away from my loved ones in a different country, had a bad marriage,  being tortured on a daily basis, and when my life was a mess.

But listen to this: I’ve had those conditions in the past few months. I was unhappy in those kinds of conditions. And others, I was happy and content. So I’ve come to the conclusion — and it’s proven true time and again — that it’s not the conditions that make me unhappy, but my choice of thoughts, of attitude, of behaviour.

What behaviours and thoughts and attitudes were different between my times of unhappiness and happiness? When I was unhappy, I focused on all the bad things in my life. Not only that, but I continually thought about how bad they were, and would complain, and would ask, “Why me?” I would let myself sink into inaction and eventually depression. I would be grumpy and cause those around me to be unhappy. That, in turn, only made the situation worse. It certainly didn’t help me in any manner.

Let’s look at the times of happiness, in contrast: I focused instead on the good things in my life. Because in the past few months … there were still good things. At least I had my family to support me! At least I had people who loved me! At least I wasn’t dead in spite of what all happened with me! I counted, instead, my blessings. I do this when things aren’t looking so good, and it turns me around.

I had a beautiful family. I had the power to change my myself and get myself out of that mess. To simplify my life. To get it back on track. I had family around me who loved me. I had the power of my words and my mum, dad, brother, sister and brother-in-law I had a life!

And this outlook on life helped me to be happier. It improved me as a person because I tried to appreciate my life. It improved everything around me, in short — and we’ll take a closer look at those things next.

I was happy, despite my conditions, because I chose to be happy. I found contentment in what I already had, instead of wishing I had something else, instead of being discontented with what I had. Contentment not only made me happy, but it transformed my life in many ways. Here’s how.

Happiness

this is perhaps the most obvious area affected on this list because many people see “contentedness” and “happiness” as one and the same. In many ways, they are, but it’s really a matter of focus. When you’re happy, it’s really a state of being, influenced by a number of factors, including contentedness.

Contentedness, on the other hand, is a matter of being satisfied with what you have. It focuses on what you have and don’t have instead of just being a state of being. It influences happiness. However, you can choose to be content, just as you can choose to be happy, and if you choose to be content, you will be happy.

There are many ways to become happy — you can become happy by doing certain things (music, a walk on the beach, cooking etc), you can become happy because you are loved. Being content is just one way to be happy, but it’s a great way.

Simplicity

Simplicity, of course, means many things to many people, but for my, contentedness is at the core of simplicity. It’s about being content with less, with a simpler life, rather than always wanting more, always acquiring more, and never being content.

Simplicity means examining why you want more and solving that issue at its root. At the root of wanting more is not being content with what you have. Once you’ve learned to be content, you don’t need more. You can stop acquiring, and start enjoying.

Now, I won’t claim to never want stuff. I wanted a Designer bag and I got it. It’s helping me to write this post (However, in my defence, I waited more than a month before buying it to make sure I needed it.) But while I am not immune to wants, I have learned to catch myself now and then, and to examine why I want something. And then I try to tell myself that I already have everything I could possibly want and need. And that contentedness leads to simplicity.

Getting to Contentment

So if contentedness is so great, how do you get there? That’s not always easy, but here are some things that have worked for me:

·   Count your blessings. I mentioned this above but for me, it’s the best way to get to contentment. When you find yourself unhappy with something, or with what you don’t have, take a moment to count all the good things in your life. And I would bet there are many. It puts the focus on what you do have rather than what you don’t.

·   Stop and remind you. When you find yourself unhappy with someone, or trying to change them, stop yourself. Take a deep breath, and remind yourself that you should try to be happy with that person for who he/she is. Take a moment to think about the good things about that person, the reasons you love that person. Then accept their faults as part of their entire package.

·   Stop and consider why you want something. When you feel the urge to buy something, think about whether it’s a need or a want. If it’s a want, take a pause. It’s good to wait 30 days — keep a 30-day list … when you want something, put it on the list with the date, and if you still want it in 30 days, you can buy it). Consider why you want something. Are you not content with what you already have? Why not?

·   Take time to appreciate your life! I like to reflect on my life, and all the good things in it, on a regular basis. I do this when I walk, or when I watch the sunset or sunrise, or when I’m out in nature. Another great method is a morning gratitude session — think of all the things and people you’re thankful for, and thank them silently.

·    Show people you appreciate them. It’s good to appreciate people, but it’s even better to show them. Give them a hug, smile, spend time with them, thank them out loud, and thank them publicly.

·   Breathe, and smile. Once again, advice from one of my favourite person, but it works in this context. Sometimes when we take the time to breathe and smile, it can change our outlook on life.

·    Learn to enjoy the simple things. Instead of wanting to buy expensive things, and spend money on doing things like eating out or entertainment, learn to enjoy stuff that’s free. Conversations and walks with other people. Spending time outdoors. Watching a DVD or playing board games. Going to the beach. Playing scrabble or whatever you like. Running. These things don’t cost much, and they are awesome.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself.

 

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.  There’s a big difference between giving up and starting over in the right direction.  And there are three little words that can release you from your past regrets and guide you forward to a positive new beginning.  These words are: “From now on…”

So, from now on…

Let the things you can’t control, GO: Most things are only a part of your life because you keep thinking about them.  Positive things happen in your life when you psychologically distance yourself from the negative things.  So stop holding on to what hurts, and make room for what feels right.  Do not let what is out of your control interfere with all the things you can have power over. 

Accept and embrace reality: Life is simple.  Everything happens for you, not to you.  Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late.  For everything you lose, you gain something else; and for everything you gain, you lose something else.  You don’t have to like it, but it’s just easier if you do.  So pay attention to your outlook on life.  You can either regret or rejoice; it’s your choice.

Change your mind: Change is like breath – it isn’t part of the development, it is the process.  In reality, the only thing we can count on is change.  And the first step toward positive change is to change your outlook.  Prepare for the positive.  Prepare for the new.  Allow the unknown to take you to fresh and unforeseen areas in yourself.  Growth is impossible without change.  If you cannot change your mind, you cannot change anything in your life.  Sometimes all you need to do is look at things from a different perspective.

Hold tight to the good things: When life’s struggles knock you into a pit so deep you can’t see anything but darkness, don’t waste valuable energy trying to dig your way out.  Because if you hastily dig in the dark, you’re likely to head in the wrong direction and only dig the pit deeper.  Instead, use what energy you have to reach out and pull something good in with you. For goodness is bright; its radiance will show you which way is up, and shed light on the correct path that will take you there.

Rest and regroup: Strength isn’t about bearing a cross of grief or shame. Strength is about choosing your path, living with the consequences, and learning from them. Sometimes you do your best and end up with a mess.  When this happens, don’t be dispirited.  You tried.  That’s really all you can ever do.  You have not failed; you just learned what not to do.  So rest, regroup, and begin again with what you now know.

Take chances: Making a big life change or trying something new can be scary.  But do you know what’s even scarier?  Regret.  So realise that most of your fears are much bigger in your mind than they are in reality; you’ll see this for yourself as soon as you face them.  Don’t let them stop you.  Live your life so that you never have to regret the chances you never took, the love you never let in, and the gifts you never gave out. 

Keep climbing: Every person who is at the top of the mountain did not fall there from the sky.  Good things come to those who work for them.  You gain confidence and grow stronger by every experience in which you truly push yourself to do something you didn’t think you could do.  If you are standing in that place of in-between, unable or unwilling to go backwards, but too afraid to move forward, remember that you can’t enjoy the view without being willing to climb.

Appreciate what you have learned: Nothing is more beautiful and powerful than a smile that has struggled through the tears.  Don’t regret your time, even the moments that were filled with hurt.  Smile because you learned from it and gained the strength to rise above it.  In the end, it’s not what you have been through that defines who you are; it’s how you go through it that has made you the person you are today and the person you are capable of being tomorrow.

Realise every step is necessary: Nothing is ever wrong.  We learn from every step we take.  Whatever you did today was a necessary step to get to tomorrow.  So be proud of yourself.  Maybe you are not as good as you want to be, or as great as you one day will be; but thanks to all the lessons you’ve learned along the way, you are so much better than you used to be. 

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Every newly married girl should do...

Observations made after watching young women fall into the entrap of considering marriage a life event that requires an entire refurbish of life. Yes, marriage is one of the more important things that most of us will get into during our lives, and yes, love and companionship are important, but not at the cost of losing one’s self. Yes, when two people live together, workarounds are needed on many things, but fine-tuning need not be a woman’s mantra alone.

Why are the days instantaneously post your marriage important? Because they set expectations. Of what you will do, and will not do. Of how you look ahead to be treated, and how you will treat others. Young women are often told that if they bend in the beginning, others will come around as time goes on. In my experience, this doesn’t happen – or – it takes too much time to happen. So, for young women who believe they are adults who’re owed the respect owed to all adults, here is my list of things every newly married Indian woman should do:

• Call your husband by his name. Startling as this may sound to some of you, I’m routinely coming across young Indian women who will not call the husband by his name, especially in the case of arranged marriages, but I’ve also seen this in love marriages where the spouses were classmates or colleagues pre-marriage. Shyness, tradition, deference to custom, call it what you will – I believe this is one unhealthy habit we have to drop.
• Keep your job: Young Indian women, even those already earning, are often encouraged to leave their jobs, if only for a short while, because they are resettling in a new place, or just to ‘adjust with the in-laws’. Big mistake. Given the economy, it’s always easier to find a job when you have one in hand. Plus, when you are staying at home post marriage, people start looking at you as a homemaker and before you know it, you’ll be signed up for religious trips, having visitors at odd hours ‘to see the new bride’ and roped in for multiple other ‘family obligations’. Not that there is anything wrong with being a homemaker, but if you want to go out to work, don’t get into that ensnare. Unless you are moving to a new place where you can’t find jobs until you are in the flesh there, don’t quit your job. Somehow, you feel stronger in a new relationship if you have your own money.
• Stay in touch with your friends: Yes, the newness of marriage can be exciting, but don't drop your friends. The things you had in common with them before marriage still exist, don’t they? Plus, every woman needs a sounding board other than her husband.
•  Make new friends: This is especially for women who move cities/countries post marriage. Take the effort to make some new friends – even if they are not your soul mates (yet), it helps to have someone to talk to, at work, in your neighborhood – or if these don’t work for you, join an activity that interests you. You think you’ll never be that woman, but horror stories abound of women caught in new countries, abused and isolated. Even if your marriage is hunky-dory, depression is a real thing for a woman grappling with a number of unknowns.
• Stay in touch with your parents: This should not even need saying, but in a country where many families have the paraya dhan concept internalized, women are often discouraged from calling/visiting their parents post marriage. Sometimes this is done perceptibly, sometimes slyly, in a kind of allusion that your ‘new family’ ought to be more imperative.
• Put your feet up: A friend of mine was once chastised for putting her feet up at her in-laws’ place – literally. I don’t necessarily mean it literarily, but remember to put your feet up – sometimes we internalize the fiction that respect comes from running around like a chicken with no head. It doesn’t. You’re as entitled to rest as any other member of the family, which brings me to.
• Don’t own the housework: Even in nuclear households, we see women quickening to take up all the chores at home. Right in the early days, don’t. If your husband doesn’t know to do anything (which is entirely possible, considering the way most Indian boys are brought up), talk to him about why this is important to you, and why he needs to learn. If the house is chaotic, let it be, and it’s quite possible the other person will start picking up. Don’t make the housework ‘your thing’ (unless you are the sort of person who enjoys doing housework for its own sake!)
• Be yourself: Be the best version of you that you can be, but be yourself. Don’t change for anyone like turning into a vegetarian or so after marriage….do what you like. If you are an atheist, don’t suddenly become the puja-paath doing good girl. The fiction becomes harder to break as time goes on. You can be respectful of differences without being different.
• Don’t tolerate violence:  I know  woman will go to any extreme to preserve a relationship, however abusive & cruel it is which is wrong the moment your husband or anyone from your in-laws raises your hand the best thing to do is to take action then itself so that it is never repeated again. Don’t give another chance if there's abuse, inform your family. Even if it's small. Because all small abuse gets huge.
• Dealing with Greedy husband and in-laws: Communicate your values to your in-laws& husband. All of your values and to all of your in-laws. And still if they make numerous demands after marriage report to your parents and the mediator who fixed this marriage as greediness never goes away it goes on multiplying with time its one aspect which no one can change and somewhere our Indian marriage system is responsible for it. These things need to be cleared before marriage so that you don’t get bolts from the blue later.

Rab Rakha!!!!!