Power Of Contentment

While many readers have noted my efforts and articles on recent happenings in my life, what I haven’t stressed as much is the beauty of becoming content with what you have now and who you are now.

I’m definitely a go-getter — I always have my eye on a goal, whether that’s writing, fighting for my rights, learning new things, improving my blog, trying something out of the box or one of a dozen other goals I’ve had (and usually achieved) in the last couple of months. And once I’ve achieved a goal, I begin looking for another.

So isn’t that a contradiction? Doesn’t that seem to be a sign of that I’m not content with my life? Not at all. I’m extremely content with my life, with what I have, and with who I am. I have acknowledged that I am the type of person who will always be pushy for something or the other, the type of person who enjoys a face up to, and who enjoys the voyage. It’s not the aspiration that matters to me — it’s the journey to get there that is so fun. And I’m content with being that type of person.

So contentment isn’t a matter of being content with your situation in life and never trying to improve it. It’s a matter of being content with what you have — but realising that as humans; we will always try to improve, no matter how happy we are. If we don’t, we have given up on life.

Today I’d like to discuss contentment and the amazing things it can do in all aspects of our lives. And then we’ll look at a few tips for getting to contentment.

“Happiness is self-contentedness.” – Aristotle

My Life

I’m going to use my life as an example here, only because I’m more intimately familiar with it than any other life. Looking back, I wasn’t always content. There have been times in my life when I wasn’t happy, when things seemed dismal when I questioned myself why this is happening to me. I wasn’t content with the way things were, and now I know that my outlook on life was a major contributor to my unhappiness.

We choose whether we are happy or unhappy. Read that sentence again if it’s not already something you consciously practice in your daily life. If you’re unhappy with your life right now, I will venture to guess that it’s because you’ve chosen to be unhappy. That sounds harsh, but in my experience, it’s completely true. Edit based on reader comments: I cannot speak to whether this concept of happiness applies to everyone — especially clinically depressed or those with similar disorders, people who are starving or homeless, people who have undergone massive tragedies or abuse, or others in such circumstances. However, for most readers, I believe the principles will apply.

You might say, “But my life is crap! Of course, I’m going to be unhappy!” And I hear you: I’ve had those times when my job wasn’t going well,  lived a middle class life back in Dubai something which I was not used to, when my relationships weren’t going well I was away from my loved ones in a different country, had a bad marriage,  being tortured on a daily basis, and when my life was a mess.

But listen to this: I’ve had those conditions in the past few months. I was unhappy in those kinds of conditions. And others, I was happy and content. So I’ve come to the conclusion — and it’s proven true time and again — that it’s not the conditions that make me unhappy, but my choice of thoughts, of attitude, of behaviour.

What behaviours and thoughts and attitudes were different between my times of unhappiness and happiness? When I was unhappy, I focused on all the bad things in my life. Not only that, but I continually thought about how bad they were, and would complain, and would ask, “Why me?” I would let myself sink into inaction and eventually depression. I would be grumpy and cause those around me to be unhappy. That, in turn, only made the situation worse. It certainly didn’t help me in any manner.

Let’s look at the times of happiness, in contrast: I focused instead on the good things in my life. Because in the past few months … there were still good things. At least I had my family to support me! At least I had people who loved me! At least I wasn’t dead in spite of what all happened with me! I counted, instead, my blessings. I do this when things aren’t looking so good, and it turns me around.

I had a beautiful family. I had the power to change my myself and get myself out of that mess. To simplify my life. To get it back on track. I had family around me who loved me. I had the power of my words and my mum, dad, brother, sister and brother-in-law I had a life!

And this outlook on life helped me to be happier. It improved me as a person because I tried to appreciate my life. It improved everything around me, in short — and we’ll take a closer look at those things next.

I was happy, despite my conditions, because I chose to be happy. I found contentment in what I already had, instead of wishing I had something else, instead of being discontented with what I had. Contentment not only made me happy, but it transformed my life in many ways. Here’s how.

Happiness

this is perhaps the most obvious area affected on this list because many people see “contentedness” and “happiness” as one and the same. In many ways, they are, but it’s really a matter of focus. When you’re happy, it’s really a state of being, influenced by a number of factors, including contentedness.

Contentedness, on the other hand, is a matter of being satisfied with what you have. It focuses on what you have and don’t have instead of just being a state of being. It influences happiness. However, you can choose to be content, just as you can choose to be happy, and if you choose to be content, you will be happy.

There are many ways to become happy — you can become happy by doing certain things (music, a walk on the beach, cooking etc), you can become happy because you are loved. Being content is just one way to be happy, but it’s a great way.

Simplicity

Simplicity, of course, means many things to many people, but for my, contentedness is at the core of simplicity. It’s about being content with less, with a simpler life, rather than always wanting more, always acquiring more, and never being content.

Simplicity means examining why you want more and solving that issue at its root. At the root of wanting more is not being content with what you have. Once you’ve learned to be content, you don’t need more. You can stop acquiring, and start enjoying.

Now, I won’t claim to never want stuff. I wanted a Designer bag and I got it. It’s helping me to write this post (However, in my defence, I waited more than a month before buying it to make sure I needed it.) But while I am not immune to wants, I have learned to catch myself now and then, and to examine why I want something. And then I try to tell myself that I already have everything I could possibly want and need. And that contentedness leads to simplicity.

Getting to Contentment

So if contentedness is so great, how do you get there? That’s not always easy, but here are some things that have worked for me:

·   Count your blessings. I mentioned this above but for me, it’s the best way to get to contentment. When you find yourself unhappy with something, or with what you don’t have, take a moment to count all the good things in your life. And I would bet there are many. It puts the focus on what you do have rather than what you don’t.

·   Stop and remind you. When you find yourself unhappy with someone, or trying to change them, stop yourself. Take a deep breath, and remind yourself that you should try to be happy with that person for who he/she is. Take a moment to think about the good things about that person, the reasons you love that person. Then accept their faults as part of their entire package.

·   Stop and consider why you want something. When you feel the urge to buy something, think about whether it’s a need or a want. If it’s a want, take a pause. It’s good to wait 30 days — keep a 30-day list … when you want something, put it on the list with the date, and if you still want it in 30 days, you can buy it). Consider why you want something. Are you not content with what you already have? Why not?

·   Take time to appreciate your life! I like to reflect on my life, and all the good things in it, on a regular basis. I do this when I walk, or when I watch the sunset or sunrise, or when I’m out in nature. Another great method is a morning gratitude session — think of all the things and people you’re thankful for, and thank them silently.

·    Show people you appreciate them. It’s good to appreciate people, but it’s even better to show them. Give them a hug, smile, spend time with them, thank them out loud, and thank them publicly.

·   Breathe, and smile. Once again, advice from one of my favourite person, but it works in this context. Sometimes when we take the time to breathe and smile, it can change our outlook on life.

·    Learn to enjoy the simple things. Instead of wanting to buy expensive things, and spend money on doing things like eating out or entertainment, learn to enjoy stuff that’s free. Conversations and walks with other people. Spending time outdoors. Watching a DVD or playing board games. Going to the beach. Playing scrabble or whatever you like. Running. These things don’t cost much, and they are awesome.

Rab Rakha!!!!!