Today, women have the right to education, the chance to have a
career, to travel all over the world, head world organizations, and go on
shuttle missions to outer space. Yes, there are still many places where women
are still kept in the dark, and behind closed shutters. But here, I am only
talking about women like you and me, who have supposedly left the darkness
behind and stepped into the light.
For the most part, I would like to think that we are no longer
at a disadvantage.
When we
have the opportunity and the ability to accomplish so much, why do we still
need to carry‘sustenance’ as we move from our parents’ house to our husband’s?
Are we still considered a burden, that when handed over to another party, must
be compensated for? Are we still, just a commodity in a transaction?
Dowry
is no longer demanded. It is implied. It is implied in the ‘tradition’ that the
bride’s family pays for the wedding (entirely or almost always, the larger
share). It is implied in the mandate that she always be sent with jewellery to
the husband’s house. It is implied in the way the society grants the upper hand
to the groom’s family, and gives the bride’s family a more docile role in
a wedding.
Don’t
get me wrong, the fault also lies with the society’s point of view. When the modern-day bride raises
an issue about some of the financial aspects of her wedding, she is shot down
by her own family, with the following reasons:
“They
are your new family.”
“We are
only doing what is best for you.”
“By
making them happy, we are ensuring your happiness”.
All
questions are drowned out in reassurances.
The way I see it, not just the bride, but all involved parties
must be offended by that sentiment.
Why is
there a list of expenses set out exclusively for the bride’s family? Why
are there no such obligations for the groom? Why is it so hard to tally
all the expenses, divide by two, and be done with it? The sad, sad part of it
all is that whenever the groom’s parents offer to share certain expenses, it
thrills the bride’s family, and they consider it a favor being done in their
magnificence. Why is it considered a favor, when it is actually just fair?
Why is it so hard to
tally all the expenses, divide by two, and be done with it?
We have been wrongly trained to find such behavior acceptable
when it comes to a wedding. If a person illegally encroaching your land offers
to move when confronted, will you consider it as a favor he/she is doing for
you?
There
are two sides to every coin. And there are two versions to every story.
If you
ask the groom’s parents, they’ll tell you, that when they try to be different,
and do what’s right instead of what’s expected, a torrent of questions come
pouring in from all sides. Sometimes, the parents are shamed for being gutless
and not demanding what is due to them. Our society strongly discourages
anomalies, in an act to preserve the present way of life. In order to avoid
these unwanted social pressures, people just prefer to go
with tradition. Because naturally, it is the safest thing to do.
Why do we still follow a system that, at the end of the day,
makes everyone feel victimized and under pressure?
A
practice that was originally designed to protect women has now become a
grievance.
The
only reason it has survived all these centuries, is because it is still practiced,
and worse – celebrated. And as long as large majorities continue to believe in
this system, there is no hope at effecting a change.
Let’s
be that change in our own homes. Don’t blindly
follow tradition, when it is no longer relevant. Ask
yourself if what you are expected to do is right. Question your elders, speak
out; maybe they just never thought about it that way.
Just
remember: the society is a living organism composed of people like you and me.
If you can change one molecule, one person, over time, the entire being can be
cured, wrongs can be righted, and balance restored.
This post is very close to me as I got married last year and
I was tortured by my Husband and mainly by my Mother in Law and Sister in law for
extorting more money, flat and other expensive valuables from my parents. Now I
have filed a FIR against them and fighting a domestic violence and dowry case. i just hope justice prevails and parasites like them are put behind bars.
Rab Rakha!!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment