Lady you have the Parvati (nurturing) and the Kali (destroying) side in you. Use both when needed!

I was not aware of the encounters of the corporate world till I moved to Punjab. Up till then, I thought, what was the burruhaha about?

Ask men and they will marvel why women need to be speaking about women empowerment and equality when they have all the same probabilities. And no, of course, they have never ever treated men and women differently! It hurts them that women would even say that :)

This made me question that perhaps men, being in the majority in the decision-making, both in homes, organisations and countries, may actually be blindsided by the challenges a woman faces sometimes. They can't help with what they don't know!

What can we do? I realized that women may be adding to that by not doing a few things well themselves and maybe starting there...

Many women, in a bid to get to the top, hardly act like women, there is little feminism left in them. What is the point of having more women join any association if they are to subsist only by acting like men? The network also appreciates and gratifies the belligerent drive, the hunt, the rivalry, each to his/her own...whether in men or in women...does not help, don’t do that to yourself, ladies. The feminine vigour is as much needed as the masculine energy. If you are upset about the way that the customer or your manager spoke to you, let them know. And if tears came out while doing that, excuse yourself, or just let it be, cry right there and then come back. Sure, they will stamp you as overtly sensitive and emotive. They will give you a berm and take away the cheque (for being such a ‘sissy’). No problem! You be yourself. Learn from being that and how to express yourself realistically then learn to suppress it.

You are a woman. Stop repudiating yourself and start appreciating it. Wear lovely colours. Wear that jewellery. Get that soft satin shirt. Stop shouting and get back to speaking softly. Be careful of your dress, yes, but don’t be ashamed of it, consistently watching to see if all is okay. How many times you give people no reason to think I’ll of you, they do it anyway. Same here. The world is not changing right away today. No reason to be whacking forever. Wearing yourself makes you vulnerable to the wrong people. Yes. Learn to deal with that and not hide from it. The trick here is to keep your eyes honest. Don’t give anyone a reason to believe they can cross the line with you.

“Real diversity is in valuing the opinion and perspectives that the gentler sex brings” Stand up and say what you think. Don’t mince words and don’t rearticulate them. Just say them! Let people learn what real diversity is! Just because you are too blunt, too gentle, too women-ish, too expressive, talk more than men folks, are way more collaborative and give away too much information, would rather be with the child than in a pub socializing……and anything else that comes with the female hormones sometimes…. live it up! Help the organisation and its people learn to manage this diversity. It is your role to keep it alive enough for them to find a way to manage it. Don’t surrender. If they were looking for more men, then that is what they should have hired :) You are a woman. Sometimes women come with these. Take the whole package or leave it. Wear that up your sleeve.

Don’t benchmark yourself with what a man in your career path can do. You know that society is more sympathetic to men being at the workplace than you do. The factor that in and be proud of where you are. And then, go give them a run for their money!

Don’t compete with them either. Cooperate with them. Educate them on how to team up with you. How you like to be treated and conveyed a task’s urgency and updates compared to the other gender. Maybe you like it less military-like and motherly. Well, let them know! Maybe you want more litheness with your job, for all the extra work you have to do around the house, let them know how you like to manage your work and family. Maybe you care too much if you got the rating or not, it hurts you more that you are not appreciated, let them know what drives you and if you feel you have not been treated fairly. Teach them how to treat you. Maybe they don’t know.

If you have taken a long sabbatical to enjoy your child, wear it with pride. Don’t compare yourself with the men and women who didn’t take the sabbatical. Stand up from where you are and take it up from there, without shame or guilt, driving your decisions. Any company, worth its salt, will see you for your potential (and possibly, your very women-like heart to nurture your young) and give you that shot. Else go find a business and run it yourself! There are many women impresario across the world who have delivered some amazing benefits and impact! If you know how hard it was to even get educated, given your circumstances, don’t underplay it. If you know how hard it still is to leave your child at home and come to work, don’t forget it. Let what you know of yourself and your circumstances drive you forward. Don’t let others' views of where you should have been stop you from where you could be headed! Also, research says women apply only when they know 80-100%, and men apply even if they know only 25% of the job. Don't be tougher on yourself than you have to be!

Ensure you laugh and have fun at normal jokes. Where they become gender specific, let them know you are not okay. Enjoy the camaraderie and diversity discussions bring, but where they get personal, cut the talk. Don’t let a joke or a shoulder when crying, become the reason to let the wrong people into your camp. Say thanks, repay the favour in equally kind gestures and move on. Don’t be over-obligated. Do not compromise for anything. This is specifically true when you become a fish in a pond for a long time and think that the ecosystem is the only system you can survive in, in the world. This is also true when you might have a male in the system who likes to keep you under his thumb, making you believe that the world starts and ends with him. Grow up ……and grow strong! Do NOT be embarrassed and ashamed of drawing the lines! You have the Parvati (nurturing) and the Kali (destroying) side in you. Use both.

I have heard a lot of women quip that it’s the women that cut the other women’s path. Maybe it’s true maybe it is not. You won’t be that woman who gives pay less than the men in your team just because you hate her willpower and her charm. Don’t penalise her because she gets emotional fast and over-jabbers when she is dismayed. You stand up and be an inspiration for the women in your team, in your country, all over the world. This, you do, by being a woman and not like a man (in women's attire) and then and then alone…... you would have stood up for the women as a community. Same in your houses. Support your mother’s perceptions of things. Hearten it.

The first thing to bring down a revolution is to cut its voice. Making men out of women is one way to jeopardize the voice of femininity. The other is to ignore the women when key verdicts need to be made, whether in the house or in projects. Another one is to 'tell' them how they are equal to men and 'act' quite the opposite. Find a way to let them know you have a voice and you plan to keep it. Exercise your voice with chicness and don’t be ashamed to be self-confident (not aggressive). Lastly, if you feel like a superior race for that day only, it's okay to ignore the other voices :)Also, have a voice when the men around you are taking a stab at other women for being too emotional, too right, too this and that. Stop them there. Remember those that chin-wag with you, gossip about you. Yes, it is not always an equal plane when you are out there sometimes. That is when the tips above will help. Other times, don’t use these as a way to feel victimised and overly cautious. These are ways to be on the watch out, not to be used as weapons. Use the women's card to play out your perspective and introduce your thinking in the right light only. Do not use the women's card to get things that you are not getting, because you maybe don’t deserve them yet.

Accept the fact that you have different responses to situations, as a woman, and factor that into your own introspection and decisions. There is a need for women to step up and increase their representation at the top of all organisations. Their perspective will lessen some of the cultural and relationship nuances those organisations face and pave the way for a faster-growing world rich in values, ideas and purposes.

A close friend, once told me she could no longer take all the politics and red tape. She would leave her child at home to nannies and play school only so she could do meaningful work, and that was not happening anymore. Sure, she could have played the game a little while longer, but she realized the 'the hunt and the chase' was what she wanted. She left and is happy making a globally better leader....at home.

Another one felt the same way. She did not enjoy the way she was consistently side-lined to her male counterparts. She left the organisation to run a business. She now makes a lot of money...only it is her own way. She also hires and supports a lot of women candidates.

To being a woman. Have it your way.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes you gotta be a beauty and a beast!

Alpha females often get a wicked thwack, not surprising as we still live in a male-controlled society that brings down and confines self-confident, courageous women to a predetermined code of conduct. And while men show-off about their alpha male eccentricities, women with these same qualities are labelled as masculine and highlighted in an adverse light. Well, to hell with that. Strong women, or alpha females, are exactly that: strong women who are far-fetched leaders, with alpha traits that are inherently a part of who she is and come across in everything she does. Alpha female traits manifest in her career, personal life, hobbies, friendships pretty much every facet of her life. These self-confident, self-assured women can at first seem daunting, but they’re women we can all look up to, and ones that have our back.

There’s an oft-repeated quote that makes the rounds every International Women’s Day and Mother’s Day, though its author is unknown, it exemplifies the very spirit of an alpha female. The quote goes, “Here’s to strong women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them.” Here’s what you need to know about alpha females and why it’s a label that you should absolutely feel flattered to have.

 There are definite characteristics that women exhibit that push them into the category of alpha females. Maybe you recognize these in yourself, in the women who raised you:

• Self-assurance: Generally speaking, alpha ladies have self-assurance. They frequently exude a confidence that can be felt in a room.
• They identify as alpha females: Part of that confidence comes from utilizing the word alpha and living up to its definition.
• Encourage others: Women around strong women are inspired. Alpha females inspire other women to be their best selves by using their leadership abilities.
• Ambition: Women that are naturally alpha tend to be very motivated, ambitious individuals. This may be seen in many areas of her life, not just her profession. She likely aspires to success in her social circles and interests as well as in her professional life.
• Self-belief: This characteristic is similar to others, but it notably denotes that an alpha female has complete confidence in her skills and abilities. She not only has confidence in herself but also a firm conviction that she can accomplish whatever goal she sets for herself.
• Well-Respected: Alpha ladies gain a lot of respect from those around them as a result of encouraging others to achieve success. People appreciate these personalities much for their commitment to all they do and believe in because they exude an atmosphere of conviction and inspiration.

Being an authoritative female is, to be honest, an enviable position. These women, who do not minimize them or treat them unfairly, are strong, push boundaries, pose difficult questions, and continually motivate others around them to improve. If you aren't the alpha female in your life, then ideally you have one close by who can inspire you to be your best self with a little of her magic dust.

To sum this beautiful post, I would say “I love bossy women. Some people hate the word, and I understand how ‘bossy’ can seem like a shitty way to describe a woman with a determined point of view, but for me, a bossy woman is someone to search out and celebrate. A bossy woman is someone who cares and commits and is a natural leader.”

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Family or Career? What options should a Lady make?

Everywhere in the world, women's professional decisions are scrutinized, thus it doesn't really matter if a woman chooses a family or a career since society will still question her decision. Similar to Jules in the movie "The Intern," who was repeatedly denounced by everyone around her for prioritizing her work first.

A successful professional woman in our society isn't considered as successful until her husband values her, her children have done well in school, her house is kept up, and her in-laws are content with her. Over the course of her profession, a woman encounters numerous obstacles. Since women must put in more effort than men to be recognized, career progression is far more difficult for them. 

Another major challenge a woman faces is work-life balance. Although everyone struggles with balancing their personal life and work, women are expected to magically handle both areas of their life perfectly or choose one, while men if failed to do so, are excused stating that they are the breadwinners of the house meanwhile women are called selfish.

Almost every working woman has the conundrum of having to decide between her family and her own job at least once in her life. The causes may vary, but the options are largely the same. According to a survey, 42% of women cut back on their job hours and 33% stopped working altogether to care for a child or other family member at some point in their careers. Only 10% of men were reported to have left their jobs to care for a family member.

There is no right or incorrect response; rather, it is merely a question of priorities, which differ greatly from person to person. Whether a woman chooses to work outside the home, hires someone to handle household chores, or even tries to have it all should be fully up to her. Everything is entirely up to her. Everyone has various priorities, thus it makes no sense to categorize them according to how we see them. A woman is not selfish if she chooses her career, and she is not deceptive about her work if she chooses her family. We must treat both women equally, and the only way we can accomplish this is by respecting their liberties.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Are we born with the ability to judge?

"Do not judge individuals," is the first principle of Social Etiquette that society seeks to instil in us. And, of course, we've all heard the hackneyed age-old saying, "Don't judge a book by its cover." We've always been told to be polite and non-judgmental, but have you ever considered the possibility that judging is encoded into our brains and is an innate trait? Is it truly just part of being human to be judgmental?

Others now desire the skills that allowed Homo sapiens to survive 200,000 years ago, according to evolutionary psychology, and one of those traits is making decisions and judgments about people and their surroundings. In other words, we are hardwired. Evolutionary psychologists argue that you can take a person out of the Stone Age, but you can't take the Stone Age out of the person. Back then, these judgements helped humans live by evaluating stimuli to make assessments of risks or danger, and now, we make judgements to decide what is best for us and to better understand others and our surroundings.

When making decisions, one of our reflexes is an individual's look. Our brains are equipped with a supporting element for analyzing faces. This has been proved in trials in which it was discovered that even quickly after birth, newborns prefer to stare at a human face above anything else. Furthermore, it has been shown that even in their first year, youngsters grow more discriminating and are more inclined to crawl towards friendly-looking faces rather than those who appear suspicious to them. By the time we reach adulthood, we are experts at making snap judgments, rushing to conclusions after seeing someone's face for only a tenth of a second.

When we meet a new person, we first use those criteria to appraise them in various ways based on their appearance, demeanour, and other variables. This is an activity that we perform without even thinking about it; it practically comes to us spontaneously, and when asked to explain our decisions, the elements on which we make these decisions are things we have never been taught; they are frequently based on our instincts. Another example of how we make snap judgments based on looks is how we often regard a baby-faced person as more trustworthy, correlate a chiselled jaw with dominance, and see individuals with spectacles as intellectual.

Is there a verdict on judging?

We all judge; it nearly comes to us instantly.

We are biologically programmed to this tendency; it is part of our character. But why do we pass judgment? "Thinking is tough, which is why most people judge," Carl Jung famously stated. In some ways, this sentence encapsulates everything. One theory is that judgment is simple because we depend on past knowledge and heuristics and don't need to think or reason much.

Our brains are programmed to make instinctive judgements about the behaviour of others so that we may move through the world without spending a lot of time or energy trying to understand what we encounter. According to neurobiologists, personal judgement is a natural inclination that may be viewed as a defence mechanism used by the brain. A judgment can be defined as an evaluation of evidence or facts to assist us in making a decision. It's the tiny voice inside our brains telling us to ask that lovely lady for directions instead of that young adolescent since you assumed he wouldn't know. Or when you opt not to queue with the talkative young girl because you believe she will be too lethargic. We analyze or evaluate life events, circumstances, objects, views, thoughts, and people based on the values, emotions, and reasoning that we were taught - sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously. We have touch, speech, hearing, taste, smell, & intuition as human beings. These senses assist us in evaluating and judging people and situations.

Perhaps asking people to "Stop judging others" would not be productive since our efforts will go against our innate human nature and inbuilt impulses. Instead, being more self-aware when we judge can absolutely help. We may utilize that understanding to be more grateful and sympathetic to the environment around us. The reality is that we will judge others and our surroundings, consciously or subconsciously. However, whether we believe judgement to be a natural inclination or not, we should endeavour to be more accepting of others and our individual characteristics because none of us are flawless.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

God has plans for you that you would never know about, but they are always better than you expect!

 

You never know why God chose a precise pathway for you, even if it didn't make much sense to you or seemed unfair or too aching. You never know why God forced you to fight specific encounters or why he forced you to lose those battles. You never know why he chose someone else for something you aspired to or a dream you desired, but you should know that whatever he has in store for you is always far exceptional from anything you could have envisioned for yourself.

You'll never know why his delays, timing, or plans didn't line up with yours, but you should know that over time, you'll realize that you didn't need what you wanted back then, that they were juvenile wishes or dreams from an unhealed or immature version of you. You will change and evolve, and your dreams and passions will shift, and you will thank God that you were not stuck with an old dream or story that would have been incongruous for you.

You never know why God disconnected you from some people or certain people from you. It may not make sense at first, and you may even feel like you have lost a friend, partner etc. You'll never know why God took the people you loved away from you, but you should know that the purpose of every sorrowfulness is to restore you in some other way. Whether it's self-love, inner strength, or astuteness, your suffering taught you something important about yourself or your life that you wouldn't have known then.

You'll never know why God tested you with the things that meant the most to you or that you thought you couldn't live without, but you should know that every time you think you've lost something special, God has something even better in store for you. Every time you chase a blocked road or a closed door, God has a better one waiting for you.

The reality of the situation is, that you never know what God has in store for you, but based on what I've seen in my own life and what I've learned when things didn't go as planned, God had a completely different vision for my life all along, and now I know that what I wanted for myself would have eviscerated me. You never know how many doors God is willing to close to protect you, but you also never know how many doors he is willing to open to bless you with things you never even imagined.

You'll start realizing sooner or later that what God has in store for you is always better than anything you could have imagined for yourself.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Opinions aren't facts. Stop worrying about what people think about you!

 

People say I'm communicating less these days. To be frank, I've intentionally severed a number of loose ends in my relationships& friendships. Some acquaintances who speak to me on various levels follow me with their curious eyes and ask, 'Hey, why aren't you talking to him these days?' 'Why aren't you seen with her now?'

Wait, am I asking these questions for self-awareness or to be able to respond to those around me? True, we are always concerned with looking good in public. So far, my life has been a roller coaster ride.

People who ask intrusive questions irritate me. 'Do you have a husband?' What is the number of kids you have? 'Do you have a property?' To be honest, I'm tempted to tell them on their faces, "Why can't you mind your own business, I actually imply, your life?" Regrettably, we treat all of our relationships as if they were business transactions. But we make things happen. Why do people encroach into the lives of others? Is their life so stinky that they don't want to look at it and prefer to avoid it by putting the emphasis on the lives of others?

These people irritate me. They appear to be blind egg sacs of force that binds beliefs, diving within illusory bounds, too lazy and timid to look beyond them, until their last breath. So, how useful is it to put me out there in front of them? Besides, why should I offer my life for their idle chatter and gossip? Do I put my happiness in the hands of others? No. No way.

But we are obligated to these multitudes of codes and relationships from the moment we are born. It's all fixed and tied down. There is no empty space. We don't cross that heavily guarded line. And we are told what to wear, what to eat, what to study, and who to marry. All of our preferences and choices are made for us.

Constant reminders keep us on track. 'You do this and don't do that.' You'll get a lot of applause if you do this. However, if you do this, you will be rendered ineffective.' We do not question, but rather weave our lives around these predetermined social and religious norms.

We can avoid religious dictums, but not societal edicts. We have the ability to deceive God and tell lies in his name. People around us, on the other hand, keep a close eye on us to see where we go wrong. They aren't interested in guiding us, but they do enjoy moral policing. If I have issues, you must as well. And if you don't have any, I'll make some for you.

Please wait a minute. Is it possible to forge one's own path? Can we truly forge our own path in a vacuum? Is my life being led by me, or is it being led by the world around me? Is it possible for me to truly own my life?

The oddest aspect of this great journey is that it started with a word search. Yes, the quest for the value of life. Whatever my imagination maybe, I must test it only in this life. However, this stimulant is late in life, after countless setbacks, disappointments, tearful moments, long sighs, and anxiety phases. It is too late to celebrate these newfound moments of self-awareness. So, do we have a choice? Life vanishes before our eyes the moment we believe we have grasped it.

We love labelling people but are unwilling to look within to see what is stinking on the inside. The subconscious mind never blossoms, but rather shrinks within. We fake our lives, consistently engulfing our true selves with a fistful of mud until they are completely buried without a trace. The deceased is remembered for what he did for others by sacrificing his soul (a rusted soul). The world celebrates human life in this way and moves on with no disruption to the redundant system. People who diverge from this normalcy were labelled abnormal and mocked.

Unless we put our hearts into it, anything becomes boring after a few days, months, or years. 'Don't do any work if you don't enjoy it,' says D H Lawrence. Yes, regardless of the outcome around me or how individuals perceive me, I should undeniably create my own contentment. Today is preferable to tomorrow.

Live your life in peace, as if nothing bad were happening. Be a cheerful person. Never disseminate negativity. You understand your worth. You are aware that you are correct. That is all. Go ahead, be happy, and focus on your goal.

Moral: Never ever let people's sayings affect your decision.

It's your life, live it as you want.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Try Giving the Toxic Relatives a Dose Of Their Own Medicine Just Once!

 

I'm sure we all have toxic, annoying relatives who despise us for no apparent reason. What is the best way to deal with them?

There has been a lot written, discussed, and acknowledged about toxic spouses, in-laws, and even parents. However, one can still find people speaking out or sharing their experiences with toxic relatives, both close and distant.

To grasp the concept of these toxic relatives, we must first define a relative. A relative is any person of any age or gender who holds a position of power in the family tree. As a result, you have a good reason to be polite to them.

Few of them are bestowed upon you by birth, while others are added through a legal process known as marriage.

Obviously, you have a few kind souls among your well-wishers. At the same time, there are those who simply cannot stand you for reasons best known to them.

They simply don't seem to like you. These are the people who enjoy throwing their weight around and never miss an opportunity to belittle you, whether through words or actions. They despise your silhouette as much as they despise your existence. And these relatives most emphatically fall into the category of toxic relatives.

The mere knowledge of their arrival would cause butterflies in your stomach. And when you do see them in person, all of their efforts revolve around slamming snide remarks down your throat. It could be anywhere. They will make comments on everything from your sense of fashion to the way you express yourself to your profession. In fact, they will not even consider factors that no one can control, such as your height, weight, or complexion!

When you call them out of courtesy, they are all set to bombard you with a slew of complaints they have against you. In some cases, the ill-treatment is so subtle and silent that only the victim is aware of it.

Even displaying your best qualities will not change these people's preconceived notions of you. You are and will remain a cretin to them, no matter how well you have proven your worth on both the professional and personal fronts.

Have you ever wondered why they don't like you?

Every attempt you make to remain cordial or engage in normal conversation will be crushed under the weight of their false prestige and ego. You might wonder what you did to them to deserve this snooty and illogical attitude. Indeed, you might wonder if these people could give you a convincing reason for their hatred if you asked them.

They would, without a doubt, have a response; whether it is convincing or not is a different story altogether. Here are some examples of possible responses:

‘Oh! You mistook my candour for rudeness!'

'I say what I think.' That's just the way I am – a book with no cover.'

'How could you possibly have thought such a thing?'

 And right there, they'll push you deep into their pool of crocodile tears. Not to mention that they will tie a boulder of guilt to your conscience and ensure that you are not at peace with yourself.

 I mean, seriously!

I'm sure I'm reading your mind!

If one could create a mathematical equation for these explanations (white lies), I believe it would look like this:

Their rudeness = honesty = naive = them being children at heart

However, your questioning of them is pure misunderstanding/illusion.

Do you have people like this in your life? The relationships in which the onus of maintaining cordial ties is constantly placed solely on you? Where, despite your best efforts, you are perpetually on the receiving end. Relationships in which your politeness is misinterpreted as cowardliness, encouraging them to maintain their high-handed attitude.

It's not that you aren't tempted to give them a taste of their own medicine. However, your high moral values and beliefs act as a roadblock. 'I know, I'm reading your mind.'

Then, for once, set those values aside, swing yourself into action, and simply give them back!

The moral of the storey is that if God can do it, then we are mere mortals!

 Rab Rakha!!!!!