Stuff women are tired of hearing!

Though we live in a world which is slowly and hopefully moving towards women's liberation, there are certain things that women have been hearing for years now. And, honestly, nobody should be allowed to make these avowals to any woman. They leave us feeling self-conscious, uncomfortable, misjudged, demeaned and typecast. We’re sure you’ve heard a few of these:

• You seem moody, is it that time of the month?
• Don't be so sensitive.
• But, you should be flattered you receive that kind of attention.
• Why are you eating a salad? Why are you eating a burger? Are you on a diet?
• You don't have much time left to have children." “Isn’t your biological clock ticking?
• Do you need help with that?
• You curse/eat/drink a lot for a girl.
• Relax, it was just a joke.
• That wasn't sexism that was just [explanation].
• Are you sure you should do that alone?
• You're being too picky.
• Calm down!
• Don’t cut your hair so short, you look like a boy.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.

People marry for many reasons, most often including one or more of the following: legal, social, emotional, economic, spiritual, and religious. These might include arranged marriages, family obligations, and the establishment of a family unit, the legal protection of children and public declaration of love. Here’s my take to make sure your marriage is a happy one.

• Being mentally prepared to make adjustments with each other regarding various issues in life. In order to have an even-tempered life, we must be mentally prepared before the married life begins. Pre-marital talk is a very good idea where the couple can discuss discrepant areas such as varied economic/social backgrounds etc

• Communication is the most essential part of a relationship

• Compromise& Cooperation – making steps towards each other in fiddly conditions ....When there is love one doesn’t feel it’s a compromise, and then it’s just a step towards making each other cheerier!

• Having admiration & respect towards each other. It’s essential to respect each other’s social, economic, cultural, physical, emotional differences. Respecting your partner especially during fights. Strict no to unmannerly language. Even respecting the way another person has been brought up or how their parenting styles have been.

• Space- Giving some time off from each other without any whinges or peevish. Each one of us needs some –me only–time which is required for one’s personal, physical & spiritual growth. So giving time off to each other to visit parents by themselves or visit friend

• Learning to agree to disagree- having respect for each other even after and while disagreeing with each other is important. Talking out issues is essential and not fighting back with rude statements. Healthy arguments help us learn & move fwd.

• Usually, the usual schedules lead to a very monotonous life making either or both feel stifled in the relationship. Breaking this fixed schedule and involving in activities together such as more time spent with each other, planning a vacation, candlelight dinners, adventure activities etc. Will rejuvenate both.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Societal Expectations of Women That Need to Die

Men and women have always had different expectations in society. That’s the way history has played out and continues to play out today. As women gained more equality, doors were opened to more opportunities.

Despite the advances women have made, there is obviously more changes that need to happen. One of the many expectations that need to change is the idea of “having it all.”

What does that mean?

The first thing I want to note is that “having it all” is a phrase not directed at the population at large. It is specified to women and women only.

Why?
I’m honestly not sure. I’m assuming because society believes that men already have it all. So someone concocted this idea that no women “have it all.” Thus, society needed to dish out advice to women on how they too can “have it all.”But first, society needs to define what they believe all women in 2016 must have in order to truly “have it all” and have succeeded in life:

• College Degree
• Career
• Marriage
• Kids

Are there women who do in fact want everything on this list? Of course.But does every single woman on the face of the planet want all of these things?The problem with the phrase “having it all” assumes that all women, all over the planet, have the exact same list of dreams they hope to accomplish in life in order to feel like they’ve “made it.” This isn’t the case. We are human beings. We are not one size fits all. We aren’t robots.

I believe that just like men, women should feel free to live their lives as they please (as long as they’re not hurting anyone or committing crimes, of course). We don’t see articles about men struggling to “have it all,” yet throughout the years, there have been many magazine covers like this:

All magazine covers are debating about what’s “right” to women’s lives. These in-depth articles these days explore “non-traditional” decisions some women make. These articles dissect the statistics of how many women aren’t having kids, what happens when women have a career and kids and explore the reasons for women parenting the way that they do.

Do magazines study and write extensive articles like this about men? No. Men have never been involved in these repetitive discussions that seem to be never-ending.
My question about these debates on women’s lives?
Honestly, why does any of this matter? Should it?

My theory is that the media and society make it appear like it matters because women are still consistently judged by absolutely everyone. It’s a fact of being a woman in the world.Our appearances, life choices, goals, dreams, and opinions are all dissected, picked apart, debated, questioned, and judged. We are judged by the media, society, our teachers, our families,doctors, and strangers. We cannot escape judgment.

The problem with this is that society has made it impossible for women to “have it all” because society has a specific opinion on what “it all” is. If you haven’t checked every box on their list, then you don’t have it all according to society.
When there is a trend of women making decisions different from society’s expectations of them, like opting out of parenthood, for example, the media and society freak out like the world is coming to an end.
“Oh my gosh, why are fewer women having kids?!?’
“What’s wrong with these women?”
“How can we change their minds?”
“Are women who don’t have kids selfish?”

Women still have narrow expectations in society today, even in the most developed countries. When we travel our own paths and make our own choices, there is an absolute frenzy from, well, everyone. Women are still expected to check every item off the list of the “To Do List of Every Woman on the Planet,” and when women don’t, there are debates about why not.

Newsflash: It doesn’t matter.
If women aren’t hurting anyone, who cares if some women don’t have kids?
Or don’t get married?
Or don’t go to college?
Or don’t have a perfect career?

Women are human beings, too, and not all women have the same brain, the same values, or even the same interests. Shocking, I know. Women are (GASP!) free to make choices. Just like not all men have the same ambitions in life, neither do women.

This idea of women “having it all” seems to give women the message that they can never have “it all” because it’s impossible. Evidently, they are saying, “It’s possible for men to have a college degree, get married, have kids, and have a career, but women, you just can’t do that. Sorry!” It’s the assumption that all women everywhere want all of these things, and that it’s automatically an impossibility.

My version of “having it all” may differ from another woman’s version of it. Also, I don’t even believe in the phrase “having it all” because I believe that the phrase is just agenda pushing. It’s pushing the message that women are set up to fail and that they should be fighting their entire lives to achieve “it all.” It’s just forcing women to continue being “good girls” and following what society expects from them. Men are judged slightly for not achieving these things as well, but not even close to the degree women are judged. Women are judged so harshly it’s filled worldwide debates.

As everyone continues to debate if women can “have it all” (or if “having it all” should even be discussed anymore), I hope that more people start coming around to the idea that women can make individual choices and that the only thing that should matter is that women are happy and fulfilling their own personal dreams.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Living well is the best revenge

You thought of her/him as a friend and ally, but by resorting to underhanded tactics that made you look bad, backstabbing became the only word to define her actions. Backstabbing friends or colleagues are a part of life, and the act itself happens to nearly everyone at some point in life. The betrayal of a trusted friend or colleague inflicts pain and hurt. Why People Backstab Reasons why people backstab others range from cowardice to a need for power. The sole purpose of backstabbing is gaining the upper hand and garnering power. Backstabbing is not limited to one individual or another.

Backstabbing at Work: It is far easier to understand why co-workers or colleagues revert to backstabbing antics rather than a friend. Colleagues wish to gain notice from superiors and put themselves in position for advancement. Backstabbing in the office is a scheme to make you look bad and the backstabber appears better. Lies and deception are the tools of a backstabbing co-worker on a mission to prove how inept you are at your job. There are many ways people backstab others at work. After completing a group project, one person may complain to a superior about how difficult it was to work with the group and that so-and-so lacked focus. By criticizing other people, the backstabber feels better about herself. Backstabbing may be nothing more than idle gossip about you to other co-workers. Using every occasion to bring attention to your faults or weaknesses is a mean-spirited tactic. Offering to complete a project or task assigned to another co-worker is one such tactic. Although it makes the backstabber look good temporarily, in the long run, the backstabber will lose the confidence of her peers.

Backstabbing Friends: Backstabbing friends represent a different breed of underhanded schemes. It is hard to imagine what a friend can gain by backstabbing. Like a colleague, she/he believes she/he can gain an advantage in life. It might be by usurping a mutual friend closer to you. A friend that tells lies to take the upper hand wants to destroy your reputation. Even worse is the friend who reveals a confidence to others opening you up to all manner of finger pointing and gossip. When a friend backstabs the pain may be overwhelming. This is someone you trusted and believed had your best interests at heart just as you did hers. Discovering a dark side of a friend requires a new look at the friendship. Is a friend who backstabs worth keeping as a friend?

Learning how to deal with backstabbing is important to move on. Dealing with a backstabber at work requires a different strategy than dealing with manipulative friends. A backstabbing friend requires handling with kid gloves. If the friendship is over, then worrying about hurt feelings is moot. Meet the backstabber head on, but not until you can face her without anger spilling over. Be cool, calm and collected when you confront them. Expect everything and anything to be laid out on the table. Backstabbers often exhibit passive-aggressive behavior and tend to dislike confrontations. No one wants to feel the betrayal of backstabbing best friends or colleagues. It does happen and when it does make certain that you are prepared to deal with the backstabber in an appropriate manner. For friends, it may come down to cutting them out of your life. You will not have that option in the workplace. Finding ways to live with the backstabber or remove yourself from the situation. A good quote to live by “Living well is the best revenge.”

Rab Rakha!!!!!

How to smell an insecure person

It is very easy to know whether a person is insecure or not I read some article online so thought of putting the same here. Just try them on these important points:

• Running down others' looks: Someone who is insecure about their looks will often point to someone across the room, or across the gym, or on their phone screen, and point just out how ugly they think they are, or what all their faults are, or how awful their clothes are. This is because they themselves are insecure. People who are okay with themselves never have a need to point out the physical faults or fashion transgressions of others.
• Humiliating those they were once close to: Someone who is insecure about how they've acted or treated someone else will publicly defame or bad-mouth that other person, and even worse, they will offer only one side of the story. Theirs. People who didn't have a major part in the demise of said friendship or relationship have no need to defame the person from their past.
• Bragging around: Someone who is insecure about how much they have accomplished in their lives, or in their careers, or in their relationships, or in their goals, will brag about everything they have done or accomplished. This is not to be confused with confidence. People who are okay with where their life is at, where it's going, and what they've accomplished so far, have no need to brag.
• Belittling others' success: A person who views another person's success as superior to their own, or who sees the public praise surrounding another person's success and is intimidated by it, will belittle and diminish that success in any way that they can. People who appreciate the success of others, and use it to inspire themselves and push themselves to greater things, have no need to ever belittle a successful person in their quest to feel better.
• Giving excuses for trampling on others: Someone who knows that they are treating other people's time and relationships as disposable will always have a "really good excuse" as to why they always show up half an hour late, or why they don't treat their friends and family better, or why they talk bad behind your back. Their excuses are always somehow noble and if you question them, it is you who becomes the jerk.
• Real bad losers: There is nothing this type of insecure person hates more than losing. At anything. And when they do lose, they will tell you all sorts of reasons why their loss isn't really a loss, or why it wasn't fair, or why the other person had an imbalanced advantage, or how they know that the other person was cheating.
• Horrible winners: They are either preemptively striking your next win, or they are covering up their past losses, or they are attempting to squelch any doubt others obviously might now have about their abilities. Good winners have no need to do anything but put out their hand and say "good game" when they do win.
• Mocking others in poverty: Someone who is insecure about their own financial security will constantly and sincerely ridicule those living in poverty or in lesser circumstances. People who don't define their worth by the rupee amount in their bank account have no need to make fun of those in lesser situations.
• Blind to others' positivity: Someone who is intimidated by another's greatness, light, or achievement, will work seemingly endlessly to bring that other person down. They will ceaselessly search for and point out to others the negatives and the weaknesses within those who make them feel most unconfident, and they will not, under any circumstances ever acknowledge the goodness that also exists.
• They will make idle threats: Sometimes, people who fear that their insecurities have been discovered, or at least are under suspicion, will often make idle threats if you challenge their insecure ways of "acting out." They will threaten your good name, your livelihood, and your relationships. They will threaten to do harm to your good reputation. Someone who is not feeling insecure will never have a reason to threaten you to protect their own insecurities.
• Pinning you eternally to your past mistakes: Some people feel so defined by their past mistakes and their past failures that they refuse to ever let you move past yours. They search for any moment in time where you were less than perfect or where you made a mistake, and they will attempt to make everyone label you by that mistake forever more. They will not see any of the great things you have been, done, or accomplished since.
• Always the last word: Some insecure people love to engage others as a way of feeling validated, intelligent, and authoritative. They will not concede any point, no matter how silly their argument is, and they will not ever agree to disagree. They always have to have the last word, or else they feel inferior and insignificant.
• Everything to them is a hidden jab: People who are insecure about their ability to hide their weaknesses will think that almost everything you or I do or say about much of anything is a direct jab aimed at them, specifically. They will think almost any discussion around them has ulterior motives, and they'll constantly shuffle the conversation back to them in an effort to dissect the motives of everyone involved.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Sometimes, I think it's good to cut people out of your life. Less drama and complicated people.

I don’t like drama. Who does? Unnecessary nastiness in real life is not fun for most people.

Fun fact: If someone tells you they’re against, allergic to, or just straight-up not OK with drama within the first five minutes of meeting them, they’re lying to you and are the exact opposite. I have met one or two people EVER who are the exception to this rule, but they are few and far between.

There was a woman I worked with when I first arrived at my job. Let’s call her A.The first day I met A, she was friendly, outgoing, and bubbly. We shared an office, and I figured we’d get along fine (and, for the most part, we did). But one of the first things she told me was, “Ugh, I HATE drama! I have a kid  and I’m just SO busy, like, who has the time!? and later she gossiped about anyone and everyone at work”

Not that I am anywhere near perfect. I have my fair share of negative thoughts and outbursts, and I wouldn’t be surprised if someone has cut me from their life because I just didn’t jive with them.

But I’ve also learned in my almost 30 years what I’m willing to tolerate and what I’m not. And I finally reached the point where I’ve had to cut out a couple people because they’ve contributed more bad than good to my life. It’s difficult because I think people come into our lives for reasons and shit. But when you can look at yourself and be like, “I’m not a bad person, so why do I feel that way?”, attribute it to a single person or group of people, and you realise it’s something that happens more often that you’d like, something’s got to give.

I’ve been there, and after going back and forth for a while, I think I’ve finally conquered it. So without further ado, here are tips for trimming those people your life without letting it consume you:

Evaluate your relationship.

First and foremost, step back and think about why you’re considering cutting contact with this person. Some questions I’ve asked myself are:

• Has this person truly wronged me, or am I taking their words/actions to heart when I shouldn’t?
• Is there something going on behind the scenes that may be affecting our relationship (i.e., is this a newer issue that could have nothing to do with me)?
• Is this an issue we can work out together?
• Can I trust him/her to keep my best interests at heart?
• Does he/she respect me (and vice versa)?
• Do I really think he/she enjoys taking digs at me/making me feel bad?
• How do I feel about myself when connecting with him/her?
• What does he/she contribute to my life that I would be lost without?

It’s also important to consider your relationship. For example, I’d never personally cut off contact with anyone in my family unless they REALLY did me wrong. Luckily something that serious hasn’t happened, but if it did I might reconsider. Think about how long you’ve known this person, what they might be dealing with internally, and the pros and cons of keeping them around.

Trust your gut.

The one person who knows yourself best is you. Even on days when you’re not feeling at your best, you know more than anyone what will make you feel better and what’s bothering you in the first place. If you feel like someone is toxic to your well-being, that’s enough. You don’t have to tell anyone your reasons for not wanting to be associated with someone. All the justification in the world will not change that, in the same way, that someone who is seemingly perfect in every way still isn’t the one for you if there’s no chemistry. You don’t owe anyone anything, and you deserve to have peace of mind and a positive environment devoid of people who bring you down, deliberately or not.

Don’t just unfriend or unfollow -- (and stick to it).

Social media can be such a bitch. It’s so easy to passive aggressively say whatever you want and then say, “Oh, that wasn’t about you! Omg, I’m SO sorry you thought that!”

Back to #2: Trust your gut. Do you feel like something was aimed at you? Regardless of whether it was, do you feel like the fact that it might be is personally affecting you? Guess what -- real friends won’t make you feel that way. Ever. The block feature exists for a reason. Use it. Even if the issues you have with the person you’re cutting out aren’t social-media related, it’s not worth the annoyance of seeing something that person posts. Facebook, especially, is passive-aggression heaven. Blocking fixes that easily.

Also? When you’re done, you’re done. You made the decision to make your life better, and you turned that decision into an executable action. So don’t snoop around and ask how that person is doing, what they’re up to, etc. It doesn’t concern you anymore (and that’s OK).

Confide in people close to you…and be prepared to lose other friends in the process.

This one is pretty self-explanatory, but I mean, you’re allowed to talk about it. Letting go of a relationship, even a bad one, is difficult — especially if you’re ripping it off like a Band-Aid. Talk to people you love and trust if the process is difficult for you. They will support your decision.

Also keep in mind that you might see some unfriending, unfollowing, etc. that you might not expect. That’s obviously a very surface-level depiction, but other people will drop off the face of the earth (or, as I like to think of it, move over and make room for better relationships).

No bad-mouthing.

It might be hard at first, but do your best to separate the character of the person you’re cutting out from why you’re eliminating their presence in your life. Honestly, there are most likely a ton of awesome things about that person, and bad-mouthing them or insulting their character is going to get you nowhere except back into a negative state of mind that cutting the person out was supposed to help free you from in the first place. Name-calling, eye-rolling, gossiping, etc. defeats that purpose. Just nod politely if the person is mentioned. Remember that you’re taking care of yourself first and foremost, and that is what matters. 

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Open your eyes and life is a beautiful ride :-)

We have our shares of seesaws in life. In life we meet people from the different way of life & locale, we like some we detest some.  It is not feasible to please everyone all the time, some people may not get along well with us & we got to understand that.
I've met a lot of people in the last few years, people from different backgrounds, religion & countries. Even though we are dissimilar, there is one thing which is present in every individual I've met over the period of years. No matter how tough or candid a person is, even after claiming they to be strong & different from others - there is still some bit of sentiment which breaks them and makes them a little vulnerable at times. I think "emotions" are something no one can run away from.In the past months my life has changed fully - From the feeling of helplessness, it’s switched to a feeling of awesomeness& independence. I think everything happens for a reason, we go through horrific times which help us in our comings and goings in life. 
Time heals everything, I guess I believe the same happened with me, I am now doing what I always wanted to do and things are far-fetched!Right now the only plan is to become skilled at & step up little by little and try to make me better & perfect each day & take every day as a challenge.
For those who judge me here are a few words for them: “Don’t judge me. You’re not living my life and you know nothing about my battles. You have not the faintest idea of how I managed to smile after going through storms or how I transformed myself. You have not the faintest idea of what I have gone through and why I am who I am today. This is my life and only I know the real story. The strains, the struggles, the sorrows are all mine. They’re not for you to assess or evaluate; I give that last word to none, for My Guiding Light is within. - Amrinder Kaur"

Rab Rakha!!!!!