Understanding, diagnosing and responding to situations :)

Are you lost to the motives of somebody? Instead, perhaps you are dealing with toxic people. And here is how they can be deflected. Each has its own angels and demonic side. Each has the ability to lie and deceive. The difference, though, is based on their honesty level. It's very hard to grasp today who is a friend and who is a foe.

If you think about it, would you be more okay being lied and manipulated to, or being told something harsher but true? I’m pretty sure most of us would rather drink the bitter pill of truth, than eating the sweet candy of lies that actually is a poison. You are especially prone to this when you are vulnerable and want to be accepted, but have good things to bring to the table like status, intelligence, and connections.

I’m in a stage that I give much fewer fucks to these kinds of people then I used to. This attitude is in line with the promise I made with myself to say “no” more. I simply have no time and patience to be involved in these unproductive dramas.

What I’m about to share is the tactic that I have used to identify, protect against, and counterattack these venomous people. When you encounter someone highly manipulative, befriend one, or being influenced by one, it could be hard to understand what you are going through. They shower you with support and attention which you are flattered with. Often he/she appears very sweet and says nice things about you. They might even give out confidential information to you or use their power to help you out, to make you think that they are on your side. Then you thought, oh, he/she is quite nice actually. You start getting close and befriend each other. However, gradually, they give you a dose of cynicism and disrespect, leaving you confused. Then, something happens, which makes you question their intentions, such as these:

• Tells another person a little the secret about you 
• Complains about you behind your back, about something insignificant
• Don’t mention your involvement at all when you give out ideas that turn into a success. 
• Make you feel small; dig into your insecurities
• Treat your accomplishments as a joke
• Make you feel that you’re not good enough

These first signs are very critical. These manipulators are banking and thriving on the fact that you stay ignorant. Therefore, it is important for them to keep their “sheep clothing” and let you just see their sheep version.

Always remembers the rule of toxic behavior they choose to do. If this is just an acquaintance, then all you need to do is to stop giving them the benefits of being friends with you. Eventually, they will think that you are of no use and fades away. Most importantly, don’t tell them anything that they could use against you. Give a safe answer-comment only when necessary. In short, don’t tell them anything substantial about your life, and practice saying no to their demands. When you successfully pull away gradually, then they will fall into the “NOBODY” zone permanently. Don’t ever think to make them any closer, regardless of how nice they appear to become.

The tricky part is when you’ve fallen into the oblivion trap they’ve put together and let them be your closest friends or relative. Unfriending or pushing them away will always be ugly, but there are ways to minimize the damage. Slow but sure, push them away from your closest circle. The ultimate goal is to put them in the “acquaintance” zone when you occasionally speak or be nice to each other, but strictly in a polite manner. Here’s one last thing you need to remember: The right way is to cut the tumor out be it your friend or relative.

And when you accept the fact that it’s just the way they are, your sanity will thank you. Because then you stop blaming yourself or justifying their actions, and simultaneously ignoring your instinctive that has been screaming to you the whole time. One thing that you need to know is that the number of close friends that you have is not something to brag about. The equivalent is bragging about how many people have access to your bank account. That is just stupid.

We can know a lot of people, hang out with anyone, and network far and wide. But when it comes down to close friends that you will share your most personal stories, treat this like choosing your husband or wife. Over time, you’ll develop an instinct and can detect these kinds of people from a mile away. 

Until then, Stay safe. Don’t get bitten with the same kind of snake twice.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Everyone has lumps, bumps, and rolls. It means you are human.

Aren't we concerned about looks? Why is it that we care? Why are we trapped in looks and missing the person under the face mask? We neglect what lies under the mask, what lies within the heart and mind, what lays within the psyche. Body shame is the act in which we blame people for their physical appearance; we condemn them because they do not meet the socially constructed predetermined expectations of attractiveness. They're not 'fair and stunning' or 'slim and sleek,' and so forth. It's a type of violence that mentally torments you and is common.

The culture recognizes the color, form, and size of the body as the basis for beauty and ugliness. Both men and women are ashamed of their bodies. A boy with a physique that makes him appear strong is supposed to be big and muscular. In India, a girl should be tall, shallow with a skin of zero acne and body hair. When anyone falls from this group (like most people, since we are human), they are continually mocked and encouraged to change their appearance.

Even though body shame affects both men and women, it is extra stressful baggage for women in a patriarchal society like India. The remedies for impeccable skin include measures such as turmeric paste, aloe vera gel, waxing, face masks, and a thousand other things. If a girl is fat, she is advised everything ranging from avoiding rice and potatoes to liposuction surgery. We've reached a stage in which fat shaming almost has become synonymous with body-shaming, but slim girls aren't out! Even girls that are short are shamed that they are too slim and advised to wear full-sleeved clothing that does not make their so-called 'fault' noticeable. A man who does not match these social expectations of a perfect body will receive all sorts of criticisms and suggestions.

Earlier, being fat was a symbol of being wealthy and belonging to a prosperous family but times have changed, being svelte is chic now. Now, be it any of the genders, sweltering it out in the gym is the vogue. Be it the relatives who tell you to look pretty in order to get married or the shopkeepers who refer you the dress which will hide those curvatures, everyone is always upholding how to not feel good in your own skin. Also, the jokes cracked of pregnancy about fat women aren’t funny at all.

Media has been instrumental in fostering the culture of body shaming, despite all the unrealistic and almost impossible expectations of beauty that Bollywood has set over the years. Many cosmetics ads tell us how it is vital to walk after a fairer skin for a job and / or confidence, while other food product ads remind us of how necessary it is to lose fat within 25 days to look good in a group.

With the increasing use of social media, body shaming is now all-time high. People get behind the computer and post negative comments and think that no one's going to harm just a comment. But we're a generation of social media addicts, every harmful comment you post troubles, someone. While we're making a comment about someone's physique, we often overlook the fact that the remark doesn't change their bodies, but it has the power to affect someone so extremely that they can be depressed.

Body shaming can lead to an inferiority complex, decreased confidence, eating disorders, and other such issues. It can cause insecurities that lead to troubled relationships. There is a chance that the victim may feel too self-conscious and withdraw from social situations. We must be more mature, understanding and empathy instead of criticizing people just because they do not look like we want them to. Don't be a harasser and don't let anyone even shame your body.

Rather of listening to suggestions from people who don't know either you or your body, we need to follow a safe lifestyle. Sure, obesity is a concern, it is a health risk and exercise is important to decrease health risks, but it is completely inappropriate to blame someone for being overweight. Let us not forget that it is the person who decides the actions of a person in his / her life and not the fat of the body. The requirements to determine someone's characters or ability cannot be form, size, color, and levels of capability.

A lingerie line, composed of lingerie's of all sizes, has just been launched by Rihanna to allow the body to become optimistic. Actresses like Vidya Balan and Sonakshi Sinha are stunning examples of women who didn't let their careers be governed by the size-zero stereotype. Although important changes are taking place, there is still a long way to go. Let us be relaxed in our skin, take a little while, and let us encourage others to do the same thing. It is your own body, and no one, other than you, can judge or understand. Let's be trusting, caring and tolerant. Let us live, let others live, let others live.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Two faced people are more dangerous than fiction.

We must once have met a two-sided, clever person, not a false acquaintance of ours, or relatives. You claim to be near and concerned about you, but in all cases secretly. Often you mistakenly believe them, and you're sorry. It will be more difficult for us to assess face to face.

These two-faced people have a common attribute of being too courteous, above what you expect. If you talk to them first, you will feel fine. You're going to feel like a normal human. In a single moment, you will note them, but you may not know when you are slipping downwards. Don't get me wrong, those people noticed more and even businesses, families or in your neighborhood.

A good friend or relative knocked on your door two faces if you notice someone of sudden politeness at any moment. You'll know if you recall the last time you felt this. You would have recognized the case because they are two-eyed people who have been well-attached. "They say good stuff to your name, and then inform some negative things to you, because you aren't there." We want an enemy who admits who hates me rather than a friend or relative who secretly puts us down.

“Being nice to people is not called two-faced, it’s called growing up… but being nice to people in front of their faces and spreading nasty talks behind them is called two-faced”. How can people have two identities in our society? We may need special glasses to identify these people as everywhere we look people are two-faced.

Most of us may be scared to think about a ghost when we were a child, but as we grew up; we found that two-faced people are more frightening than a ghost. We may be used to thinking that enemies are the worst people in the world, but that was until we met two-faced people and realized that they were a lot worse. It's always a good thing to have fake people in this world; it helps you find out who your real friends are.

I hate when people say that they hate someone, and then they're going to hang out with them. I realized that these people are applying the formula of division and rule everywhere around them. You can't create a conflict with this person as they would do more damage, so it's best to distance yourself from these parasites. It is easier to stay quiet and away from the two smart creatures your mental well-being.

Have you ever learned that if we talk to each other rather than speak about each other, a lot of problems would vanish? You can't change other people-until they have changed, but you can keep your mind alert. Never have your pretty words or deeds swayed by them.

"The saddest thing about deceit is that it rarely comes from your enemies ... It's from friends and loved ones." 

Rab Rakha!!!!!

How to look beyond pay cheque to choose the right job for yourself

On average, you change jobs 10-12 times in a full career, assuming the current average of 2-4 years per role. You will consider potential opportunities two to three times that number. That’s a lot of major decisions you cannot avoid. 9Your jobs will occupy the biggest portion of your working hours and will contribute in large measure to your comfort and happiness. It makes sense to invest in choosing smartly each time. Here’s how.

• Your future: What’s your definition of long-term success? Take a weekend off to figure out the long term dreams and requirements from your career that matter to you. Don’t do this exercise when you are hard-pressed for time. Unless you have a broad vision of your future career trajectory, you may end up taking jobs based on short-term considerations like money or commute time. This will lead to many unrelated or temporary jobs on your CV that could destroy your future. To evaluate a particular job against your long-term growth – ask yourself what the next role is likely to be after this one and thereafter where will that lead to.
• Employer: Do you put in a lot of research into choosing a cell phone, car or planning a vacation? Consider similar or more efforts into researching a future employer. What is the size and stability of the company? What has been its history and how well known is it in the industry? What is the market positioning and what do employees and customers think about it? Make sure you also speak to people. Large brand names and established 50- year old companies are great on a resume and for future job search. Start-ups and small firms, on the other hand, offer greater responsibilities, accelerated growth, and higher upside. What is more important to you?

• Gains: Look at the short-term benefits. Most professionals place undue importance on the quantum of salary offered. Apart from the difference from your current compensation, compare it with industry standards. Check for add-ons like an incentive structure, average increments and increment dates, retrial benefits, insurance policy, stock options, and reimbursements. For non-monetary or lifestyle benefits check for leave policy, company accommodation/transport, club memberships, and Flexi-timings. Decide on considerations that make a difference to you.

• Pains: For a rational short-term analysis, look at the cost side of your decision. What impact will this choice have on your time, expenses and thus your savings? What are the working hours like, how long is the commute and how often do you have to travel? All of these keep you away from personal activities. Will you have to relocate or spend more on travel, taxes or incidentals? Will the move impact your children’s education and costs? Can you afford the costs involved in time and money and yet meet your savings target?

• Success: Move on to your chances of success in the new role. What are the tangible expectations from the role in terms of targets and what resources will you get to fulfill those? What are the intangible expectations of the role? Do these challenges excite you? Are you someone energized by the idea of being the first one to solve an undefined problem or do you prefer structured roles exploiting one skill? Use your own definition of success to evaluate.
• Growth: The next criterion is the growth and learning potential from the job you are evaluating. Know that learning can come from an individual, from the role, from the work environment or from the company’s position and aspirations in the market. Where do you want to be in five years’ time in terms of knowledge and skills and how will the new company, management, team, boss or role help you bridge that gap?
• Happiness: Lastly, don’t ignore daily satisfaction as a criterion. Your enthusiasm and energy levels at a workplace will depend on the company culture, people and personal values. Ask around to get an idea of what the work environment is like and if individuals are trusted, recognized and rewarded for results. Finally, consider if the company does meaningful work that aligns with your personal ethics and values and thus adds purpose to your life.

USE YOUR INSTINCT

• No pay play: A quick way to decide is to figure out whether you are willing to work for no extra pay. So, imagine two competing jobs offering the same compensation. Which one do you choose? You will gravitate to the one where you believe you will be happier, excited or successful. Go for it. The money will always catch up.
• 12-Hour energy: Imagine long working hours in the roles that you are considering. Where will you be able to sustain 12-hour workdays for a month or two because of an important project? Your choice will reflect either exciting work or an empowering environment where you are more likely to succeed.
• Toss the coin away: Unable to make a final decision between two competing job offers? Commit to tossing a coin for a decision. How did you feel when you tossed the coin? If you are happy or neutral about the outcome, go with it. If you feel uncomfortable about the result and are thinking of tossing the coin again, go with the other option!
• Sleepover it: Decide to either choose a job or reject it along with specific reasons, before you go to sleep. Imagine communicating the same to the employer the next day. When you wake up the next morning, if you are feeling disturbed about it, your subconscious is asking you to reverse your decision. Listen to it carefully.
• Unexplained discomfort: Have you listed all the pros and cons of a job on a piece of paper and discussed it with trusted people? Yet, do you feel a sense of discomfort that you are unable to explain in words? Don’t agonize. Simply discard this job option and move on to another choice. You don’t have to justify yourself to the world.

Rab Rakha!!!!!