A man who disregards and hits his lady is the world’s greatest “Numbskull& Eunuch”

Every day, many women die as result of physical, mental, emotional torture and yes due to dowry to-- that's nearly thousands killed every year. "That number might not mean anything to you...unless the woman was your mother, your sister, your daughter," 

Women should know that love doesn't abuse you. It shouldn’t hurt you. Love cannot be redefined into. Remember the first time he raises his hand on you stop it then and there...Love is happiness, not being neglectful, caring, being respectful, providing, having standards, kindness, standing up for the right things.

If he checks your phone or shopping receipts, keeps a unvarying check on you something isn’t right. Controlling your partner in any way is damaging. “Emotional abuse is like being continuously kicked in the shins. It can be worse than getting one punch in the face, and it cements itself.”

Any man that hits a woman is not a real man, he’s a coward. A husband’s job is to protect her and stop anything bad happening in his wife’s life.  Abusing your partner is the opposite of that.

Domestic violence is often ignored as it usually happens behind closed doors and it can seem easier not to get involved. Yet, domestic violence continues to affect 1 in 4 women at some point in their lifetime, regardless of their background, career, race or age, and it is vital that we do something to protect those directly affected by the cruelty.

I think it is important to stand up against what is often a hidden crime and get men who hit women behind bars.

I don’t want any other lady to go through what I did when my husband Rinupal Bajwa use to hit me, as I know how many deaths she dies when she goes through this suffering. I feel government should pass such a law where such men are castrated lawfully. This would be a good lesson who for others to who think of hitting their wife's or girlfriends.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Introduction of the fraud family I was married to...

Many people who have been following my Blogposts, Twitter, etc have asked me time and again to write about the family I was married along with their names.  I got married in August 2014 in Mumbai with dreams of starting a new life and a future built out on love and trust in my new home. My parents were so assured that they were giving me into the hands of an educated guy; someone who would value their daughter and appreciate her.

After a few days of my marriage, not even a month I was evaluated on the dowry that I was given. My in-laws felt that it wasn’t enough – even though my dad had given all that he could. He had fulfilled every demand my in-laws had made and yet it did not satisfy them. My husband and in-laws felt that all that I had brought in with me was not enough. They were so disappointed that after a few months they began scheming on ways to end my marriage when I stopped asking my parents to fulfill their demands.

My resistance infuriated my husband and then he became violent. I hid his brutality from my parents thinking about their health. I never spoke of his foul behavior in worry that it would affect their health. My mother in law, sister in law and husband would summon me and make new dowry requests every day. Despite succumbing to their requests, my husband and in-laws treated me akin to a slave. They would snatch away my belongings. I was overburdened with domestic chores and on top of that, my in-laws’ attitude towards me left me emotionally and physically exhausted. But my husband would brazenly vindicate this abuse by saying, “I am giving you a roof, food, and shelter.”

My health started to deteriorate with each passing day. I had become an emotionally torn person. I became deprived of my individuality. With each day getting worse than the last, my life turned into a living hell. My marriage was completely devoid of any respect; I got none from my husband or his family. I was treated like a servant, was confined to the four walls of our house and was advised to ‘win hearts’ and not mope about my situation. Despite being his wife, I enjoyed no such place or position. There were restrictions laid upon me on going out by myself or my husband, and even staying in touch with my friends or family.

They wanted to exert control over every aspect of my life; I was forbidden from working or socializing and bound to them in every way. I was to say I felt suffocated it would be a gross understatement. I was imprisoned in my own house and would cry to my friend about my pain if I had the fortunate opportunity of talking to her. I would keep giving in to save my marriage and kept preventing the possibility of being a societal taboo; a divorced woman.

So here I introduce the fraudsters and con artists of my real life. Let me start with my mother in law first:

• Dalbir Kaur Bajwa(Mother-in-law): When you look at her for the first time, you would feel how well behaved and cultured this lady is. She will gain your confidence in the first meeting itself, with her true to life and big talks. Whereas the truth is for money this lady can go to any extent she conned her real sister by looting all her life savings and her flat. She is doing the same with her son in law and others. She often fools people by saying she is a widow and how she raised her kids without her husband. She is the main reason why her son and daughter have turned out like this. Her main maxim is to haul out as much money as she can to live a prolific life on other people's outlay. Ladies like her are a shame on motherhood& and being called a human being. She has a tendency of stealing and is a kleptomaniac which her real sister has also confirmed in a written statement given by her. Many times she stole money from my purse, my other expensive stuff like my cosmetics, footwear, jewelry, perfumes, etc. She was so domineering that many times she slept between both of us and didn’t allow her son as in my husband to speak to me or my parents. She after a few months of marriage when we were in Dubai told me to ask my dad to help them buy a flat in Dubai when I asked her why was this not asked or mentioned earlier she started calling me names. Whatever happened to me it was due to her and her daughter these two had done all the plotting of extracting dowry etc from me and my parents to satisfy their needs. She use to ask for a lot from my parents and later make a statement “Sanu Kuch ni Chaidha”. Off late, she has been doing the drama of paralysis and heart attack to dodge from police inquiries.

• Ritu Rai(Sister-in-law): She is someone when you meet her for the first time she will shower you with all the bogus love and blessings. Whereas the really she is wicked, evil, she is excellent at making fraud schemes and bringing them to implementation. She use to call me often at my workplace to squabble with me and very nattily use it to create a discrepancy between me and her brother (my husband). This lady is married to a man who is 4 years younger to her, in nine days they fell in love and seeing that he is from a well-off family she enforced him to get married to her. You would be shocked to know that her mother in law and sister in law were not present for her wedding. She went and booked the Gurudwara on her own with him so that she doesn’t miss out on this guy. They use to not allow me to speak to their other relatives as their glorious stories would come out. Ritu earlier wanted to marry her Massi’s sons (Aunt’s Son) as they were settled in Canada and her mother helped her in this so you can imagine what kind of people they are. When both Massi’s refused they started to look for other guys from rich families whom they could get her married to. She use to needle my husband as in her brother to beat me when she had come to Dubai and her to hit me when I tried to tell others what’s been happening with me.  Ritu’s husband had some case also against which my lawyer found out….here is the link (http://www.leicestermercury.co.uk/Gang-laundered-millions-fake-businesses/story-16837936-detail/story.html)  (http://www.leicestermercury.co.uk/Gang-laundered-millions-fake-businesses/story-16837936-detail/story.html#3) his name Deepak Rai his photograph is also printed in this above link. Her kids as in her daughters are following her footsteps they lie to people saying her husband is a very big businessman in Leicester and runs a factory which is again a lie. We believed them blindly which is our fault. The truth he is the 5^th pass and works in someone’s factory. Off late she is doing the drama of depression.

• Rinupal Bajwa(My Husband):  When I started speaking to him before marriage little did I know the man who appeared so sweet and so in love with me would turn out to be like this. All that mattered to him was my social status &money and nothing else. He often asked me to get a share in my father’s property after marriage.  I thought he loved me but no I was so mistaken.  He was just interested in my earnings and father's property. Later after marriage, I found about his drinking and smoking habits when I told his mother and asked her what is this I was told he does it out of stress and ask you, father, to help him by lending some money which gave me a shocker of my life.  Later it got worse when he started torturing me physically, mentally and emotionally. He kicked and punched me many times so that I myself leave the house and go. When I didn’t do so all three of them jointly threw me out of the house. His mother and sister use to ask him to go out and have relations as in go and sleep with other girls as well with Sonal Salvi to irritate me and make me feel jealous. When he use to lose his temper he use to hit me badly and well as just to frighten me he use to punch in the wall and do all sorts of things to terrify me as well as abuse me. He was about to get married to some other girl the cards were also printed but when the girl's family got to know what kind of pricks they are they called off the wedding and unluckily my family and I got conned.

 Some other traits of all three of them are:

Slapping themselves to prove their point and blackmailing by saying that their mother is a widow.

• Dalbir Bajwa & Ritu Rai buy alcohol&cigarettes for Rinupal Bajwa &Deepak Rai so you can imagine what kind of ladies they are. To show people they do path, another religious stuff and what not to show how much  god-fearing they are whereas the real them is poles apart

• Saying that their father was a very rich businessman but then they suffered losses and then gradually start by demanding money from others and promising them to return after a certain period or on monthly installments

• Saying Deepak Rai(Ritu Rai's Husband) runs a factory in the UK and is a rich businessman having a lot of property everywhere whereas he works for someone and is just a 5^th pass

• Being friends with the moneyed and eminent to add on to their class and extract money

• Stealing and asking for money in such ways that you can’t even think of

• Maintaining a bogus standard of living to show people they have huge contacts and to show a forged status

• Showering others with fake love and concern and then looting them

• To take the greatest benefit out from a person and then cut chords by blocking them on different social platforms so that their stories don't seep out

• Following the divide and rule, policy to create uncertainty in families or friends and slowly taking advantage of the situation

• To ask people to lend funds and then vanish after taking that money which Dalbir Bajwa takes advantage of due to her widow status and her old age

• They, in reality, advertise Rinupal Bajwa saying he is handsome and has a good job and then bit by bit start demanding funds in different forms

All three of them are fantastic actors and they can rip off anyone with their expressive drama and faces Beware…

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Be not another, if you can be yourself!

In this post, I want to question, do people around us know us? And why are we so afraid to be just ourselves.

I happened to read a quote on Twitter that said, “Inside every person you know, there is a person you don’t know.” How true is that! Sometimes, when we are going through a rough patch, we look at all the happy faces around us, and long to switch places not knowing if the picture is really as rosy as it appears.

Every person here has a world that we all see, and a world that we don’t. Every person here is not the person we really know! The lovey-dovey couple, holding hands while walking down the street, or in snapshots of their vacations, may as well be living a loveless life, their marriage on the verge of a breakdown. The display of affection may be just that – a display, a show put up for the world to notice them and nod its head in approval and amazement at a life filled with joy. We see the smiles on their faces and feel the pinch, when we find our own lives bereft of that love, that companionship. But, do we look closer, to see if their smiles reach their eyes?

The sunshine girl on your timeline, perpetually cheerful and full of energy, may be fighting demons of loneliness and despair. You’re most babble on friend, who enlivens the atmosphere at your friendly meets, may be battling frustration due to an unsuccessful career. The neighbor, who overwhelms you with her love and attention, may have a terrible life behind those closed doors. You never know! We, the social beings, rarely if ever, exhibit our true selves to the world with whom we socialize. And not just the world al fresco, but also the world, we live in close propinquity with – our family, our close friends. Our parents know us, but to a certain extent, and so do our siblings, with whom we grew up. Our partners often claim to know us, but, really, do they? Our closest friends, with whom we share our innermost feelings think that they know us well, know our secrets well, but do we really share every story of ours, every scar, every tear with them, either?

Impressions can be deceiving. It is a line that often comes to my mind, especially when I look at photographs shared on the social media. True. All that glitters is not gold. Every smile may not bloom from the bottom of the heart. It may just be pasted up there, on the face, for effect. So, why is it that we hide our true selves from our people? Why do we forget that we are all humans, with our own set of weaknesses, our idiosyncrasies, our handicaps? We all have a different life, a different story, which is not perfect in any way. Then, why the constant effort at putting up a facade of a perfect life? What is it that we would gain from this spuriousness?

I think, it is the fear of losing out on friendliness from our loved ones were they to see our true sides, which keeps us from sharing ourselves wholly with them. We believe in the aphorism, laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone so much, that we fear being alienated lest we reveal our true selves. I wish we could open ourselves up, to the people who care about us, who share their world with us. Hiding behind a mask can be taxing. Living our entire lives wrapped up in a garb of pretense can leave us fatigued. Not only that, after a period of time, the line between reality and make-believe blurs, leaving us confused, muddled up. Why can’t we accept our life as it is, and be proud of it? Why don’t we stop pining for a perfect world? Attain a perfect us? Life would be a lot easier, a lot clutter-free and a lot more genuine. But, the question is, do we have it in us to "come out of our closet?"

Give it a thought :) Life is short so stay true to yourself as well as others because sooner or later we all have to pay for our deeds in some manner or the other.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Saga Of The New Bride

Every bride has to step outside her comfort zone once married; the least the new family can do for her is to accept and treat her with respect and equality.

Marriage is a ceremony that usually follows the betrothal of a young couple. The ceremony marks the unity of two individuals and their families.

The above definition of marriage sounds like a perfectly coordinated set of events, where the story ends with a ‘happily ever after’. The practicalities that entail this union are much grimmer, especially for the bride.

The coy bride,

The sweet and oh! So beautiful bride,

She leaves a loving and caring home,

What she is not told is to leave her dreams and pride back home.

The bride, in most cultures, is the ‘new member’. She leaves the comfort of her familiar home. She leaves almost everything that is her own. She not only begins a new life with the man, but more often than not, accepts a whole new family along with holy matrimony.

The new family tends to treat her as a stranger from a distant land right from the initial meeting and greeting to all times to come. The alienation begins from the moment the ceremonies begin and they continue with each passing day, barring the exceptions when the husband or the new family demands love, warmth, affection and absolute reverence! The already-alienated bride is then expected to shoulder responsibilities (sometimes more than she can chew) in areas such as household, professional and most importantly, reproductive. In this entire process, neither the in-laws nor the spouse seem to be mindful of the expectations of the ‘new member’.

From the very childhood, most Indian families begin preparing their daughters for the prospect of future alienation that marriage entails. They share tales pressing hard on acceptable social behavior, norms for the new bride, and the effervescent stride with which the bride is to take everything that comes to her. If one were to view this from an optimist’s perspective, these would seem like sound advice where the lessons of patience, adjustment to new surroundings and unfaltering respect towards a ‘new family’ are preached.

On the other hand, the lessons preached to our men/husbands/sons-to-be may have the soundness of respecting your wife, respecting monogamy, but the most impactful of all advice's is the one that iterates the need to ‘be a man’.

Not only is the process unfair in its outlook, but also it is sometimes pathetic in practice. The battles to be fought are too many. The alienated bride does not even have the refuge of ‘being at home’, because that’s where all the battles are lost. The abundance of duties and responsibilities mound her heart and mind alike. The stress begins to seep in and the health of the mind and body deteriorates. The bride continues to struggle to make ends meet. She struggles in her smiles. She struggles at work. But all that she is greeted with is that ‘women have it easy’!

I don’t want to aim to allege or generalize all husbands or in-laws. It is an attempt to give some food for thought to the new families and their distant relatives around the unfair behavior meted out to the ‘new member’. Challenge after challenge comes until the bride is either tamed or accused of not being well-raised.

The bride leaves one home to make another. The least the ‘new family’ could do is to provide the same love and respect it extends to one of their own. The nourishment of the mind and soul is as necessary for the ‘new member’ as it is for you. Be mindful. Be fair.

I am writing this from my past experience. I stayed with them for a year and my life was no less than a new thrash about everyday where I couldn’t even tell my relatives at times as to what’s been happening with me thinking it would break my marriage but now when I think what’s the point to be in a family where a man is not a man enough to respect and love you. For them I was just a money vending machine to fulfill all their wants& luxuries which they couldn’t come up with the money for on their own. Their main intention was to keep extracting more and more money from me and my parents to gratify their greediness. The statement which my mother in law and sister in law use to often use was “Sanu kuch ni chahida” and ask for everything on all occasions from my parents. I use to hold back my anger, disappointment and tears resulting in me losing my real self and due to this last one year I have left my real myself so far behind that I found a new me.

Rab Rakha!!!!!

Lungful of Space in a Marriage

These days, it is common to see every other marriage breaking apart in, just a few years after the grand wedding day. The main reason lays somewhere else it’s due to the hindrance and the torment one faces due to some double faces tugs, when the girl comes in with her dreams and they are all washed away once she starts her married life. Instead of happiness she gets agony, pain and no support.

My married life was ruined by the intrusion from my mother in law, sister in law and my husband’s so called best friend(later I got to know she had other interests in him) all these 3 together use to brain wash him. The urge to interfere in the married of son/brother/best friend, stemmed from a strong possessive/domineering feeling on the part of the later. Bit by bit, the tentacles of possessiveness start spreading around in every aspect of the son's life, throttling me in every manner. I started gasping for breath and I was forced to look at everything from their point of view. Nothing was working out; I finally opted for peace of mind — by keeping silent and not reacting to anything. Many a times I even tried telling them this marriage is turning ugly due their behavior but in turn what I got was their thrashing.

They never let the love built between me and my husband instead gave rise to puzzlement and infused all sorts of things against me in his mind due to which he started hitting me. They many times even told me that he would believe them and not me and not to forget both mother, daughter and husband’s best friend (very close to my sister in law & mother in-law) use to create all sorts of chaos to ruin my marriage.  I don’t know what kind of a mother and sister would another lady come in front, it had gone so worse that my mother in law and sister in law use to do all planning and plotting against me with her for their interests best known to them.

Why is it that the mothers and sister of adult son/brother find it difficult to let go of the attachment, which blinds their eyes and makes them do despicable things? They wanted to ensure that no emotional intimacy develops between him and me, why get him married in the first place? And ruin someone’s life. Only thing they wanted was the son to extract money from me and my parents. They never thought of my dreams and ideas about my married life? Why is it that they cannot trust their son/brother to remember his duties towards them, even if he got married? Is it the lack of faith in their own upbringing that makes them insecure?

If every day is a struggle, wherein the husband's behavior is dictated by the parents-in-law, my life was not panning out as I had dreamt and every aspect of my life was persistently monitored and supervised by them, right from what to eat, what to wear, when to sleep, what happiness did I get? What is wrong if I wanted much needed personal space? Why was I called a family breaker when I have every right to a happy life and the choice to live the life I want? How can a woman who is independent in her professional life manage the contradictions in her personal life?

What about the son who is the common binding factor for both the parties involved? He is so completely brainwashed by them, that he started believing that his wife (ME) is really evil due to the drama & stories created by all three of them.

Would it not be easier for everyone, if the son's mother sister gracefully allowed the son and me to be at our own rather than make him hit me and breaking the relation? The breathing space certainly ensures a healthy and happy relation among all the people involved, for a lifetime.

But they had a different thing all planned and set for me which was to throw me out of their family and his life so that can get him married again for a vast sum of money and ruin some other girls life. What he and his family portrayed to me about their behavior and themselves before marriage and how they were from top to bottom poles apart.

Rab Rakha!!!!!