It’s important to understand that your reaction or your response is your responsibility.
Whatever somebody else says or does or thinks that has nothing to do with you. That’s entirely on them. But your response is your responsibility: response-ability. Your reaction is your responsibility and that’s partly why the narcissists will focus so much on your reaction versus the actual abuse that took place.
It’s a fantastic misdirection practice and a dirty trick they play. So, how to deal with this, but I also want to tell you about the difference here, which is mindfulness. A reaction is an instantaneous reaction to something that happens. It’s like this stimulus happens and then you react in a certain way and it’s something emotional. Your behavior is driven by emotion and you haven’t thought about it. There’s no sensible or logical backing to that and you probably haven’t even thought about the outcomes.
When you really understand that you understand your power, you understand that reacting is giving away your power and responding is empowering yourself and not getting caught in that trap. When you were a child and someone yelled your name and you jumped and ran. Someone demanded that you do something, and you had to do it. You had to do it just like they said, or you were going to get punished and it was like the worst thing so of course, you learned to react without thinking.
Now, you have choices. During childhood you didn’t know, that was out of your control. It was unfair. It was a survival mechanism and you survived, and that’s the amazing thing.
And now as an adult, you have the choice in how you respond to everyday life. Anything can happen in everyday life, whether it’s with the narcissist or something entirely unrelated, your response is your responsibility and it’s also your freedom of choice. Therefore, it’s empowering to respond instead of reacting.
You’ve got to put your ego aside and be willing to let them say whatever they’re going to say because you know you and you know that’s not true about you. It really comes down to the bottom line, do you want to be right or do you to be happy?
Sometimes you must make that choice, not always, but sometimes and most definitely when you’re dealing with a double-faced individual because they believe they’re always right and if you don’t agree with them then you’re wrong. So, you’re going to have to ask yourself that question when you want to get in there and defend yourself.
Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?
If you choose happily, you’re just going to let that go. You’re going to let them say whatever they say and you’re just going to let it slide right off you because you know that’s not true.
It is up to us to choose how we react to the empty boats in our lives. We can either yell and scream at the empty boats and endure the collision or choose to get out of the way the best we can, accepting what happens, and do our best to continue on our way along the river.
One of the great teachings in life is this: It doesn't matter what is happening. What matters is how we respond. How we respond is what determines our happiness and peace of mind.
Rab Rakha!!!!!
